Existential Indifference (Joshler)

15. Boundaries

Start the song. It's Alice Kristiansen's cover of III. Telegraph Ave. (Oakland).
***Trigger warning for mentions of a past fatal drug overdose. Don't read if that'll trigger you.***

Tyler had a lot of homework to do. He had to read a three hundred page book in two days, write an essay for his finances class, complete a whole unit of calculus homework in three days, and somehow also make sure Josh was doing okay. The most logical way of doing that in his mind had been to bring Josh to his trailer for the night so he could keep an eye on him while still getting his homework done. It wasn't his worst idea.

At the moment, Josh was still groggy and exhausted from the seizures and withdrawals, so he was fast asleep on Tyler's chest while he read the uncensored version of Upton Sinclair's The Jungle for his history class. Hayley had sent Tyler with a much too familiar bottle of pills labelled "methadone." That was all it took for Tyler to know that this was exactly what he'd thought it was.

Tyler's little brother had taken methadone for a while to ease his withdrawal symptoms when he was quitting opiates. It helped until he gave up on quitting and fell right back into the addiction. He'd overdosed at seventeen and never woken up. That was three years ago-a year before Tyler had started working his ass off to make sure he went to college and didn't get stuck here in the same situation.

His fingers soothed along Josh's back as he read, making him shiver in his sleep. That was what they were doing when Brendon came home. He instantly went to Tyler's room and opened the door without knocking-as always-before opening his mouth to yell at Tyler for skipping class and not coming home last night. He closed his mouth instantly, though, when he saw Josh sleeping, settling for looking at Tyler in confusion.

"What's he doing here?" He mouthed.

Tyler shrugged, mouthing back, "sleeping."

Brendon didn't seem to know what to say to that. He simply glanced at Josh and then back at Tyler before nodding and leaving the room awkwardly. Tyler smiled, trailing his fingers up Josh's back and into his hair, which he twisted around his fingers absent-mindedly. He'd make sure Josh was safe and comfortable, and he'd get his degree too.

-----

Josh slept for so long that Tyler kept finding himself checking to make sure the older man was still breathing. He slept through an entire day, not even waking up for food or bathroom breaks. Tyler was a little worried that this might mean Josh's mental state was a bit unstable due to the lack of drugs in his system. His brain was used to having artificial happiness flooding through it in mass amounts, but now it had run dry. Depression was inevitably going to hit Josh like a train. It was only a matter of time.

When Josh did wake up, Tyler didn't even notice for a while. He just kept doing his homework calmly. In fact, he didn't notice until he reached for his bookmark and found Josh staring blankly at the fabric of the pillow beneath his head. He hadn't moved or spoken since waking up. He had just laid there, looking hollow.

"Hey," Tyler greeted softly, setting his book down and laying down next to Josh.

Josh's eyes slowly dragged up to meet Tyler's, and it was very clear that Tyler had been right about the depression. "Hey," Josh replied distantly.

His eyes slipped shut for a moment when Tyler held his cheek gently before soothing his fingers through Josh's hair. "How are you feeling?"

Josh just shook his head and kept his eyes shut. He wasn't doing well at all, and it was painfully obvious to Tyler. Unsure of how else to comfort him, Tyler pulled Josh against his chest and held him firmly.