Existential Indifference (Joshler)

40. Insurance

***Trigger warnings for blood and threats of violence.***

Wait to start the song.

Josh fell asleep at some point, but he still woke up before Tyler. He could feel Tyler's dried blood still clinging to his nose and top lip from kissing him, but he couldn't bring himself to care. Soon, Tyler would leave, and Josh wouldn't be able to hold him like this again.

"I'm sorry," Josh whispered to the sleeping man beside him, soothing his fingers through Tyler's soft hair and holding him close.

No response came from Tyler apart from even breaths and dark eyelashes fluttering against tan cheeks. Bruises were forming at the corners of his eyes in the places that had absorbed the force of the punch to Tyler's nose. Josh pressed a kiss to the tip of Tyler's gracefully sloped nose, wishing that asshole would've gotten out of his car for Josh to beat the shit out of him. No one was allowed to hurt Tyler. He was too precious for anything to ever harm him, and it killed Josh to know that he was one of the people who'd done that.

This was a frustrating place for Josh to exist in, however-in a space where he was holding the man he loved, but also knew full well that he could never give him the life he deserved. He had to cherish this moment with Tyler because there wouldn't be more after this, at least not until he'd been sober long enough to be stable. Even then, Tyler would have someone else by then. How could he not? He was too perfect to pass up.

Josh heard the front door unlock, open, and close. He knew that meant Jordan was home from school. The rest of his family wasn't moving in for a few more weeks since his dad had a couple more months left of his sentence, but Jordan had already started moving his stuff into the spare bedroom and spending the night here. It was nice to have his little brother back, especially when he was in a mindset that allowed him to actually connect with Jordan.

"Josh?" Jordan called quietly.

Since Josh couldn't exactly respond without waking Tyler, he waited for his little brother to find him. Jordan peeked his head around the doorframe to look into the bedroom, seeming surprised to find Tyler curled up beside Josh. He looked worried when he saw the blood on Josh's face.

Jordan pointed to his own face, looking worriedly at Josh as he silently asked if it was Josh's blood. Josh shook his head, pointing to Tyler. Jordan nodded, disappearing for a moment before coming back into the room with a wet washcloth. He handed it to Josh, watching as Josh carefully scrubbed the dried blood off of his face without disturbing the man sleeping beside him.

There was a bit of hesitation on Jordan's face when he whispered, "Did you hit him?"

Josh shook his head, ignoring the pain in his chest from his brother thinking he was capable of this, especially because Josh knew he was. "It was a different guy. Tyler came here to hide out because the asshole followed him home. He's okay though. Just worn out," he whispered back.

Jordan nodded, glancing at Tyler before telling Josh, "I'm gonna go raid your fridge. You take good care of him. He's one of the good ones."

A slight smile tugged at Josh's lips, but it was solemn. "I know. That's why I can't keep him. I'm not stable enough."

His little brother offered a similar smile in return. "Give it time. You'll get there," he reassured Josh.

"I hope so," Josh replied quietly, brushing Tyler's hair back off of his forehead softly. "I want to protect him, but I know he isn't safe if he's with me."

"Not yet," Jordan replied simply.

Josh watched silently as his little brother left the room, closing the door behind himself. He heard the television turn on in the living room and the fridge door open, but he knew Jordan was giving him the privacy he needed to savour this time with Tyler.