ENDLESS JOURNEY OF LOVE

EPILOGUE

Christian's

I got up from my bed at saka ako naglakad palapit sa terrace. Isang malakas na hangin ang sumampal sakin at saka ako napapikit. She must be saying 'Good Morning' to me. Ganito lagi gising ko. May biglang dadaan na malakas na hangin.

I heard my phone rang and I had a second thoughts kung sasagutin ko ba ang tawag. In the end,...

"Hel--"

"HOY"

Agad kong nilayo yung cellphone mula sa tenga ko. Hindi nako magtataka. Ganito talaga makipagusap si mama sakin.

"You only said 1 year pero inabot ka na ng 5 years dyan sa Hongkong."

Napabalik ako sa higa

an ko at umupo. "I'm sorry. Hindi pa kasi ako handa."

"Gago!" pagalit niyang sigaw. "Lilyana is turning 5 on friday and... it's her death anniversary."

"Ma.." panimula ko.

"Just think of it as a gift from her. Appreciate her existen-- Is that Daddy? Daddy!!!"

As I heard her voice, tears started to form in my eyes. "Daddy, Lola said that my mom is a dog lover. Can you bring home a dog? Gusto ko babae so that I can think of it as my mom. Daddy~"

Hindi ako nakapagsalita. Her voice is just too precious and a music to my ear.

"Daddy, why are you crying? Daddy, may umaway ba sayo? Go home na so that I could protect you. Daddy~"

Hindi ko mapigilan ang umiyak. She just heard me crying and I can't bare hearing her so worried for me.

"Daddy is just crying. -- Give me the phone, baby. -- Oh ano? Namimiss mo na siya? Anak, magpakita ka na. She doesn't resent you at all for not being there as she open her eyes. Be confident cause she's your daughter. Magiingat ka dyan."

As she ended the call, walang tigil ang pagiyak ko. I realized that from the day she was born, I wasn't there for her. I'm such a bad father! For 5 years na hindi pako nagpapakita sa kanya, namimiss niya pa rin ako. Why god? Why did you surrounded me a person with such a good heart? She's just like her mom. Kahit anong sama ko, they don't resent me at all...

.. and I must make it up for her.

•

The taxi dropped me at saka ko kinuha ang isang maleta ko and the box. I looked up sa signage and this is the first time na makikita ko siya. Naglakad ako sa loob and it seems like ako lang pala ang tao sa sementeryo. I smiled a little. After that day, umalis nako ng bansa. Ako na ang pinakamasamang lalake sa mundo. I didn't attend her funeral and iniwan ko lang ang anak ko sa kamay ng mama ko. Kung nagpapakita lang si Lez, she might have killed me at binugbog na ako nun.

Hindi pa ako nakakarating pero kitang-kita ko na ang mga nakaukit sa lapida.

"Hi." I started at saka ko nilapag yung basket ng mga flowers. I even placed the box beside her at saka ako umupo.

"You see this box? I got our daughter a gift." then I smiled. "Buti pa si Lilyana. Alam na dog lover ka samantalang ako hindi. Mom must have known you very well than me. Ganun ako siguro kasama."

A moment silenced occur between us at nagsimula nanamang namuo ang mga maiinit na likido sa mata ko. I placed my hand on her name.

"I am so sorry... for being such a jerk. My mind was empty at that time and all I can do was to run away. Escape from the fact na wala ka na talaga. I'm such a heartless guy. Kahit sa anak natin. I wasnt there for her as she grow up." I paused at saka ako napapikit. "I'm so sorry."

"Daddy~"

See that, Lezlhiana. This is how much I miss her. Kahit yung cute niyang boses ay tumatakbo pa rin sa utak at tenga ko. It's like, she's the only one revolving around me.

"Daddy."

Agad na nadilat mata ko. Am I hearing things? Napalingon ako and turns out to be her. Dahan-dahan akong napatayo at sa di kalayuan, nakita ko doon silang lahat. Kahit si Almira ay nakangiti lang sakin. And yes, she survived and I'm happy for her.

"Daddy."

Nagising ako bigla at nagulat ako na nasa tapat ko na siya. She was just staring at me. I lower myself for her at saka ko siya tinitigan. I lift up my finger and caressed her face. She got these two beautiful and attractive eyes. A flawless nose and perfectly shaped ear. A fair skin and cherry-colored lips. I went to her soft hair and parehong-pareho sila.

"You got her eyes." I whispered to her at matagal ko siyang inobserbahan. ".. and so is her smile."

"Daddy, you're crying again. Do you want a hug?" she said and she widen her arms for me.

Napatawa ako saglit at saka ko siya tiningnan. "Daddy misses you so much." at saka ko siya niyakap. A moment later, napahigpit ang yakap ko sa kanya at saka ako napaiyak. Such a precious one who deserves a full of love.

"Happy birthday, baby." I greeted to her.

"Thanks, dad."

As she called my name, kumalas ako sa kanya kasi bigla akong may naalala. Kinuha ko yung box na nasa tabi ko at nilagay ko sa harap niya. "I got you a gift."

She just went on a wide smile from ear to ear. "Is this real? I'm so excited. Pwede ko na bang buksan?"

"Oo naman. It's all yours, baby."

She rushed to the box at saka niya ito sinimulan buksan. "Something's moving inside. I wonder what it is." she added. I told the packager na huwag masyadong ibalot cause I want her be the one wholl open the box.

Nang mabuksan niya yung kahon, she cant believe what she's seeing right now. "It's my favorite kind of dog." she said at saka niya kinuha yung aso. It's a pomeranian so she won't be able to carry it steadily.

"What are you going to name it?"

"Celestina."

Kumunot bigla noo ko. That name somehow familiar.

"Lola said, you and mom built your own house back in your childhood days. So I named this dog after the street of your home."

Napangiti ako bigla. "Can you hug daddy again?"

Binalik niya sa kahon yung aso at saka siya naglakad papalapit sa kanya. I hugged her so tight that I would never let her go. Napapikit nanaman ako sa iyak.

"Daddy loves you and misses you so much. Now that I'm here, I will protect you no matter what. Happy birthday and I love you so much, baby."

"I love you too, daddy."

And in a long distance, I saw a figure of a woman in a white dress and long black hair. As I realized kung sino yon, hindi nako nagreact. She just smiled and waved a goodbye to me.

One tear drop from my eye at saka ako napangiti.

In every mistakes, there will always be a consequences that could change you and make you realize something. In my side, Lez's life was a consequences to all of my mistakes to her. A mistake that I never did protected her from harm. The change that happened was Lilyana. Lez did left me this precious one for me to man and straight up myself. And Lilyana made me realize something. That not all the time should I blame myself. Because if you continue blaming yourself, you'll miss out the good things that will happen to your life and that is what currently happening right now. I'm now with my daughter and the following days is a blessing to my life.

Lez, I know that you can hear me. Thank you so much. You have always been so good to me yet I had never been. Your existence itself changed us and you left us this angel. This time, maasahan mo ako. You can fully trust me that I'll protect our daughter no matter what it takes and even if it sends me to heaven or hell. This is how I'll repay you for what you have done to me and bringing Lilyana to this world for me.

No one will replace you inside the picture that you wanted to live forever. You will always be my wife and Lilyana's mother.

I love you so much. May you rest in peace. Goodbye.

•END•