Reinvent Love

Go kiss a door for little Ruby

I felt like i couldn't look up anymore. Instead I just had to look down at the scars on my arms. Every time I saw them a tear would form in my eye. Scars fade, but the memories last. Flashbacks of taking the knife to my skin haunted me, the blood, the tears, the effort I took to hide my arms.

I sat on the air mattress very upset and texted Addy saying I got home safely. She too was home. I pressed the call button on face time and waited for her to pick up.

" Hey Addy" I said. I tried to shake my glum tone but I wasn't successful. 

" Hey, wait where are you?" She asked as she saw my surroundings.

My somewhat happy mood was now gone. " Oh um, my dad got a girlfriend and she took my room, so i'll be sleeping on an air mattress in the laundry room for the week."

Addy's smile faded. " Wow you weren't kidding when you said your home life sucked"

I sighed heavily "Yup." I paused for a second. " So aside from that how's it been?"

" There was this crazy guy talking to himself, or should I say screaming at an invisible person on the train, I was quite scared" Addy said. " I'd like to know how many drugs that man had taken"

I gave a weak laugh. " One time I was driving and this man wearing ankle weights, rolled up shorts, and no shirt was running down the street and he came across a street sign, then  he violently kicked it, but like, with his shin" I said starting to chuckle. " I would also like to know how many drugs that man was on"

Addy started laughing. " Well anyways what have you been up to?"

" Oh you know just contemplating chugging child's couch medicine so i can have a bubble gum flavored death" I said jokingly.

Addy laughed a bit. I knew she didn't really like  me joking about dying because she knows that I used to be suicidal, And to be honest I still somewhat am.

" I too, wish to have a bubble gum flavored death" She said, going along with the joke.

We talked for about an hour of anything that came across our minds. Addy had to go so we hung up. I got up and started to quietly wonder into my old room. Something caught my attention in the corner. A shiny green envelope. I walked in and got closer. It read " Ruby, open in 2017" I picked it up. Wait, it's 2017 now! I thought. I picked up the envelope and opened it up. It must have been one of those letters you write to yourself in the future. I pulled out the letter and started to read.

Dear Ruby,

      Hey, it's me, little you. if there's one thing I want you to do, get away from dad. Mom was our only hope. He's in a really bad state. I can't take it, He drinks every day to take away the pain. I hide from him everyday. Just get away, some how. leave the house as soon as possible. Move out, maybe as far as a different state, different country if it comes to that, but i doubt that would happen. Just anywhere away from him. Get away from the bullies. My body is bruised and bleeding and cut but some of those cuts are from me. On a less depressing note, I hope you pursue your dreams of living with Lucy, that is if we're still best friends. When you grow up you should be a home interior designer. It sounds pretty fun. Also this may sound weird but I hope you get boobs by the time you're reading this. One more thing, At the moment I don't really have words to put to my feelings, but just please do this for me- go kiss a door for little Ruby. So long and goodnight (I hope you still get the reference)

-Ruby Fairweather (you)

"Man, I was a deep child." I said to myself. Still haven't completely gotten away from my father. Lucy is still my best friend, but now i'm living with Addy. I looked down. Still don't have boobs. That last part though, go kiss a door? what the hell did I mean? I heard the door creak open. Rachel walked in.

" What are you doing in here?" She asked me.

" U-um I just, saw something" I quickly walked past her, taking the letter with me.

I Went back to the laundry room, still thinking about what I said. Go kiss a door, what could that mean? Did little me have some fettish for doors? I doubt that.

wait, when I was little I couldn't say the word girl, and when I tried saying it it sounded like "door", so what if that was my secret way of saying go kiss a girl. My god I didn't realize I knew for that long. That's so clever of me. I started to smile. I need to tell Addy.
I picked up my phone and sent her a picture of the letter with the caption "door=girl".My phone started to ring and I picked up her FaceTime call.

" Ok you need to explain some crap" She said straight up.

" ok so that's a letter that i wrote to myself in i think 6th or 7th grade to my future self and when i was little I couldn't say girl and when I tried it sounded like door, So now piece it together"

Addy went back to the letter " Oh my god" She said, starting to laugh. " I wish I could tell little Ruby what she was feeling"

" I didn't even know I knew for that long"I told her.

"Little you sounds great, what a cute little bean you probably were" Addy said as a smile grew on her face. " Also little Ruby had really nice handwriting"

I laughed a bit. "A cute bean indeed"

*A/N Merry christmas-here's a few pics of my doggo as a present *

You're welcome.