Temporary Bliss [boyxboy]

12: What the f--k?

I woke up feeling surprisingly rested. I heard rain knocking against the window panes and I was quite content until I remembered what hat happened the night before.

I faintly felt a bubble of anger rising in my chest at the thought of it. What the fuck did Caleb think he was doing?
He was probably the straightest person I knew, and he knew that I wasn't gay either.

Sure - logically he'd just been drunk. But I didn't want to think logically. I wanted to be angry at someone except myself because I couldn't believe how little I had actually minded the kiss itself.
I wasn't gay for God's sake, and I should have been and still be absolutely disgusted. But somehow I wasn't.
Somehow I started thinking about how his rough yet gentle touch had felt on my skin and how his lips had tasted like liquor, the way he smelled...

No!

I shook my head to myself, as though it would make all these thoughts disappear.
I got up then with a sigh and went straight into the bathroom to take a shower. Showers always helped me think and wrap my head around things.
After maybe half an hour of pretty much just standing under the warm water I finally figured that I just desperately needed someone to talk to.

Caleb was already out for obvious reasons, but who else did I have?

Anna? That would be awkward.
Karin? I didn't know her well enough.
My mom? Also awkward.

My dad... I wished it was even an option, though even if it had been - I probably wouldn't have told him.

My father had died in a fire when I was just 12 years old. It was a little embarrassing to admit, even to myself, but I still had nightmares about him. It had... Yeah, it had been traumatizing, essentially.
But I was an adult now, and I'd come to terms with the fact that there were certain things you just couldn't change.

I did have my younger brother Jackson, and while he was a douchey, annoying teenager a lot of the time, I loved him and he loved me. We'd been through so much shit together and I was somewhat of a father figure to him.

While it was a little pathetic to call your little brother for advice, I figured that what the hell, he was the only option right now, and I knew he'd try to help me.

With that in mind, I looked his contact up in my phone after getting out of the shower and called him. It rang and rang, and just when I thought he wouldn't pick up, his all too familiar voice said:

"Hey, bro! What's up?"

"Hey, Jax," I responded, my face splitting into a smile immediately, "Do you have a few minutes to talk?"
It'd been way too long - my family was everything to me.

"Yeah, you okay?," my brother asked, now sounding worried.

"Yeah, yeah - I'm fine! It's nothing terrible, I just need some advice I guess," I quickly reassured him.

"You? Advice from me?," he repeated in disbelief and I rolled my eyes, even though he couldn't see, "I'd be the last person I'd ask for advice, but sure thing: Shoot."

I explained the whole shabang to him, leaving out bits and pieces like my dream (or should I say nightmare?) I cringed a little at certain parts, because this was my baby brother and I felt awkward talking to him about well... My love life, I guess.

"So, yeah. And now I'm confused as shit because I know I'm not gay or anything, I know that I like girls. But it's just... Argh! I don't even know. This whole thing is fucking with my head, I can't stop thinking about it now. Which is embarrassing because Caleb probably thought I was his girlfriend or some shit, considering how drunk he was and I'm overanalyzing..." I trailed off, waiting for a response.