Temporary Bliss [boyxboy]

23: Can't Win

The drive home had somehow been eerily silent.
It hadn't been like this earlier, so what the hell?

I wondered if Caleb regretted the kiss. It wouldn't have surprised me, though it would definitely have upset me.

We got out of the car when we were home and went inside, setting our stuff down on the floor of the hallway. Caleb was quiet the whole time.

Out of nowhere, he pushed me against the front door making it slam shut and kissed me again.
I gasped quietly as I could hear his keys dropping to the marble floor and his hands went to my waist.
My back would probably be bruised the next day and I was immensely confused, but I didn't question it, I didn't want to question it.

I just wanted his affection.

So I kissed Caleb back eagerly, our tongues snaking into each other's mouths.

He began walking us down the hallway into the living room area, not once breaking the kiss. My arms were wrapped around his neck and I stood on my tip toes to kiss him as deeply as possible.
His hands wandered from the small of my back down to my ass to give it a tight squeeze making me gasp and Caleb grin into the kiss.

How far would it go this time? Caleb was full on cheating now and that familiar feeling of guilt creeped up on me again. Apparently Caleb noticed my hesitation and pulled away, looking at me, our faces only inches apart.

"You good?" he asked and I just nodded, quickly bringing my lips to his again.

I had nodded without really thinking about my answer. Was I "good"? I didn't know, but in this state he probably could've asked me anything and I would have agreed.

"Great."

He connected our lips again and I slept in his bed that night.

---

I woke up feeling warm and cuddly. I smiled contently, pulling the covers over myself and nuzzling closer to the source of warmth in bed.
I wanted to go back to sleep, but as my consciousness started to come back, I realized where I was and who the source of warmth was.

I was in Caleb's bed, next to Caleb.
A naked Caleb, to be specific.
I jumped out of the bed with a yelp, stumbling and falling, ripping the covers off of Caleb in the process.

He woke with a start and I quickly pulled the blanket over myself as I looked at him with a horrified expression on my face.

"What the fuck?" Caleb murmured sleepily, before he seemed to realize what was going on.
I saw his eyes widen.

"Fuck."

I agreed completely, and I couldn't stand the look of panic on Caleb's face, so I scrambled up and left his room immediately, almost running into mine.

I was ashamed; disgusted by myself and ashamed.
I had slept with my best friend (who apparently wasn't straight at all) and worst of all - who had a girlfriend.

What the fuck had I been thinking?
I had probably ruined everything: my friendship with Caleb and his relationship. I had no doubt he hated me now.
There was no way we could ever go back to being normal friends again after this, right?
The thought made my chest feel tight.

I put some clothes on, desperately trying not to cry as I sat on my bed.

What probably hurt the most was that I didn't regret it. As much as I wanted to: I couldn't regret it.
Because despite everything it had been nice, I'd enjoyed it and at the time Caleb had enjoyed it too.

I knew for a fact that he regretted it now, though, and that made my chest hurt and a few stray tears roll down my cheeks as I realized how badly I had fucked up.