Temporary Bliss [boyxboy]

47: Unfair

Finn

After breakfast the next day, I realized that I had another night shift today.
I had almost forgotten about work with everything else that was going on in my head...

But it really was times like these when I was most thankful to have Caleb as my friend, because no matter how shitty and childish he could be, when it was important, I could always count on him to be there.

Lately I had begun to doubt that, seeing as how my friendship with him seemed to deteriorate whilst also growing stronger in a different sense.
It was weird, it felt weird, and I didn't really know how to explain it, either.

But now seeing how much he worried about me and how he supported me when it really mattered, made all these doubts vanish from my mind.

Knowing I had someone like that in my life felt good, and I was happy to have some reassurance that our friendship wasn't in fact ruined after everything that had happened.

Caleb had changed a lot, though.

He now apologized when he got an unnecessary attitude and I think he was working on expressing his feelings more as well.

The old Caleb never would have done that.

Making the decision to not go out with Caleb had been unbelievably hard, because my heart, of course, had immediately screamed "yes" when he had asked me.

But I could no longer just follow my heart. I was speaking from experience when I said that that didn't usually go over too well, especially when it came to Caleb.
I had to think rationally, and while I knew that my rejection had probably hurt Caleb, it was a necessary step to salvage our friendship.
Even if it hadn't hurt his feelings, it definitely would have hurt his pride, because actually asking me that, was a big step for him that I - in all honesty - never would have expected.

But the risk was simply too big to take again. We had already put our friendship on the line when we had first started our weird "arrangement" and it definitely hadn't ended all that well, though we were lucky to still be friends.

Because Caleb and his moods weren't exactly predictable, I would not have put it past him to change his mind about being together after a few weeks, either. I could only imagine the awkwardness that would create around the house, not to mention that I would be fucked over again.

Had the success of the relationship been solely up to me, I would have said yes in a heartbeat.
But I was scared, scared of what would happen if Caleb rejected me again, got some weird bout of internalized homophobia again, pushed me away again...

I didn't trust him enough to be stable, which was sad to admit, but it was true.

As if on cue, my phone began ringing. It was Caleb.
Not a huge surprise seeing as him and my mom were the only people that ever really called me.

I answered, "What's up?"

"Hey, how are you? Doing okay?" he asked.

It was so weird to experience Caleb so gentle and caring, but I couldn't say that I hated it.

"I'm fine. How about you? You've barely ever called me from work before." I replied.

"Well, first of all, I fucking hate my job," he laughed, "and I just need to pass some time. But I also wanted to ask when you're working tonight."

"Uhhh," I thought about it for a second, "10 to 4 I think."

"Cool, I'll be home around 6. Should I bring takeout?" he asked.

Who even was this guy?

"I could cook something too," I offered.

"Shut up, I'm bringing takeout," Caleb laughed, "Should I pick you up from work?"