Temporary Bliss [boyxboy]

41: Doing What Has to Be Done

The next morning didn't feel as terrible as the night before.
I no longer felt the need to cry, but nonetheless Caleb was on my mind all the time. Everywhere I looked I saw him, whatever I thought of, it would lead to me thinking of him.

I took a shower after I'd gotten up, and though the shower was quite nice I couldn't help thinking that the one at Caleb's house got just a little hotter, had a little more water pressure.

The hotel was nice, but it wasn't home. And that thought made my stomach churn painfully, because I kept doing that, kept referring to Caleb's house as home.

It could be like home when he was being nice, when he'd bring takeout so that I wouldn't have to cook and we'd eat it while watching a movie together, and he absolutely refused to admit that we were cuddling, even though we definitely were.

It was like home when all four of us had breakfast together on a weekend, had Matt's amazing pancakes and laughed and watched TV as the sun shone through the big window panes.

But it seemed I didn't really have a home now, and it hurt more than I ever would have thought.

Thinking back to how Caleb had cried and begged made my heart ache, because him showing emotion like that was more than rare.
It gave me what I supposed was hope, that if he was that upset about me leaving, he might actually like me and care about me.

But even if so, it was all useless information now, because apparently Caleb only showed that when it was already too late.

It was clear to me from the start - I missed my best friend.
But I couldn't dwell on that, couldn't just sit in the hotel room and wallow in self-pity.

It wasn't healthy, and it most certainly wasn't going to get me anywhere.

I couldn't control it though, because I really didn't know what to do with myself in the unusually empty room.
I couldn't sleep either, had gotten way too used to having someone in bed with me.
So I spent most of the night pacing up and down, nervously running my fingers through my hair, because I fucking missed Caleb and I just felt so alone and scared.

But - I still had a job after all, and just that next morning, Mike called me and asked if I could cover someone's day shift - there was supposed to be some kind of event at the bar.

And although I wasn't overjoyed, at least it gave me something to do, would maybe take my mind off the brown haired boy that seemed to have taken over my every waking thought.

So I grabbed everything I needed after getting dressed, and headed downstairs to have some hotel breakfast.
Not having to cook and yet having a huge selection really was a pleasant change.

I just had some toast and coffee before I had to leave for "Deadly Whiskeyhands".
I had decided to walk, and because the hotel was a little further away from my workplace than Caleb's house, I would need at least 20 minutes. I didn't mind, though.

I popped in my earbuds and began to walk briskly, weaving through small groups of tourists and businessmen on their way to the office.

Although I was still a good couple of feet away from the bar a little while later, I could already hear the music.

I took out my earbuds and tucked away my phone in the back pocket of my jeans.

I said hi to Mike and my coworkers, feeling surprisingly happy to see them. And even more surprisingly, working actually did take my mind off Caleb.

I laughed and joked with customers and colleagues alike - it turned out people were celebrating someone's graduation or something.

But as it got darker and the people began to leave right before the bar would open for the usual nighttime customers, it dawned on me that I still didn't know what I was going to do, and that I definitely still missed Caleb.