Allure [Kylo Ren] Star Wars

VII

That evening, or rather, the wee hours after her night with Ben, Calista had few options. She could stay home and brood about what had unfolded that night, think over the events and wish she could go back to change them. She could do that, all while knowing it would amount to nothing. Brooding about it would not make things right, it would not help her sleep that night.

Her other option was to go out and make double her income, maybe even something under the table so Naren wouldn't take his hefty portion of what she made. Calista sighed thinking about it, how it would be wrong to do that to Ben, as though it would be cheating on him. But then, she was a Creature of the Night, they were not to have attachment, relationships, or anything that would hinder their view on what they did.

Her last option happened to be the only one that sat right with her.

She got up off the floor, the tops of her bare feet scraping along the hardwood. Walking over to where her book had been, she felt where it should have sat, the empty space extending its hand into her as well. That book had been her only visual off this planet, which hid itself in glamour, glamour that she herself was a part of. As she let her hand fall back to her side, she turned towards her bedroom.

For what she earned every night, her apartment was small. It was tidy, minimalist, and beautiful, but it could not hold more than one person comfortably. Along the way to her bedroom, Calista removed her white dress and let it pool to the floor, not caring that it would be wrinkled tomorrow. She had other dresses, and part of her hoped that she wouldn't be there tomorrow.

It was a foolish dream, she realized, but if she had nothing to dream about, what was the point?

In her bedroom, she fished out something more practical. A long, black skirt that was shorter in the front, with a pair of sandals that wrapped up her calves, accenting their strength. She topped it off with a white blouse that was loose, flowy, and comfortable. Removing her earrings and anything that screamed riches, she felt plain, and hadn't felt that beautiful in a long time. False beauty was expected here, craved, and so when she removed all those embellishments, she would be less conspicuous.

She could blend in, or go unnoticed at least, as she made her way back to Ben's room.

Her feet padded along, the night sky black with only the stars up above, and the city having quieted down. Calista chose the paths around the back to avoid being spotted by anyone who might recognize her and either want her time, or report her to Naren for ignoring them. She had the right to turn anyone down, that was for her own safety, but people had complained before. Typically this was when she turned down a repeat customer who hadn't followed the rules. Naren always put them in their place, but he had scolded her before for turning eligible customers away.

He was not the worst of his kind, but he was still one of his kind.

Calista hated being owned.

Taking the long way was how she calmed her nerves; never before had she come crawling back to a client, for it was her who was always trying to shake them off. Taking the elevator once she reached his building, she pushed the top button and nervously tapped her foot on the golden floor. Her own reflection looked up at her from the floor, and she realized then just how out of place she was. What good would it do to go scrambling back to Ben? He had turned her away, scolded and ashamed, because of her.

The elevator door dinged as she reached his floor, and she stepped out, in a sort of daze. Her feet moved her along, working when her brain was telling her to go back. And yet she did not even glance as the elevator doors shut behind her and she found herself standing in front of the hotel room. She knocked, three brisk but sturdy knocks on his door.

The tension as she waited for a response, to hear any sign of life behind that large door, made her neck ache. Her tongue dampened her lips as she tried not to fidget, and found herself unsuccessful when she began to tap her foot again. She raised her fist to knock again, and then she withdrew her hand. No, no one was in there, she decided. Her chance was lost, her chance of leaving had been a long shot anyways, Ben probably would have laughed if she had asked him to take her away.

She was nothing.

Calista turned then, her eyes cast down on the ground and her body maneuvering itself to the elevator.

Behind her, Ben opened the door.

"You came back," he said quietly.

Calista froze, and then turned to see Ben clad in the same black garb as he had been before. The ashamed look in her eyes was obvious, she knew it as well as he did that she had no right coming back there. Clasping her hands in front of her, she stared down at the ground again. Words which used to come so effortlessly to her now failed her, but when she heard Ben walking towards her, she did glance at him.

"Why?" he asked.

"How could I turn down the opportunity for long walks on the beach and witty banter?" she finally managed to speak, the words tumbling out as though she had been holding them back for her whole life.

He cocked his head sideways, unsure of how to process her words. The way he looked at her suggested that he wanted to welcome her back into his room, if just to chat or to relax for the rest of the night. There was something warm about him, and behind it something cold. That coldness was too deep for Calista to reach, she realized, because she herself was shallow. She was there for great nights that people would remember, and nothing more.

She was superficial.

She was nothing.

And yet Ben made her feel like something.

She realized this feeling inside of her was desperation.

Desperation for him to ask her in.

"I was just leaving," he spoke firmly.

She refused to show that this bothered her, and simply nodded, and in that moment she noticed he was holding something in his hand, hiding it behind his back. Avoiding prying into his privacy, she turned her back on him and walked briskly to the elevator again. He watched her disappear, and when he said nothing to stop her, she knew her chance had been crushed the moment she didn't outright tell him what she was.

She was nothing.