Hamilton OneShots

Hi. I'm Sorry... You Don't Have to Read This. Not an Update...

Hi guys... Alex here... Look you really don't have to read this. I'm sorry that I don't have an update for you right now. I have a lot on my plate... Homework and projects and just... My life is a shit storm right now. I've been really, really depressed and I've been cutting myself because I just feel so useless... I have a lot of problems at home and life is just getting so hard for me right now and I can't take it... Look, I'll try to update real soon, I have a oneshot planned for you guys, I just need to write and edit it. I have so much self hate and so much overwhelming feelings of depression and honestly I've been considering suicide for a while. I really can't take it. I just feel so fucking useless and unloved... I have no friends at school... I once had so many friends who I thought would stick around but...
One left...
Then two...
Then three...
Then four...
And before I knew it, my friends left and moves on... and I was alone... but that's not a new thing.
I've always been alone...

3 years since I've seen my dad... I can't tell you how rare a phone call is... He promised me he would text me back if I ever messaged him and it's been 3 days since I texted him... And he still calls me his daughter because I'm just... I'm too scared to tell him that I'm trans!
And then there's my grandmother... she just won't accept me... She calls me "she/her" she calls me "Savannah" she doesn't care about how much it hurts me!! And I just don't want to live anymore!!! I can't fucking do this anymore! I'm sick and tired of being misgendered at home... I'm sick and tired of hearing my birth name! I'm TIRED of crying at night... I'm so done with wasting tears, and nobody realizing what they're doing to me... I just want a normal life....

But that'll never happen... will it?

I sleep with my chest binder on just so I don't have to wake up and see how feminine I still am... I hate speaking because of how feminine my voice is... I HATE MY BODY SO MUCH I JUST WANT TO GET RID OF IT! I can't go a damn day without wanting to die anymore... I can't go a day without realizing that I'm still a fucking girl and I can't do anything because NOBODY IN MY FAMILY ACCEPTS ME!!! God I'm getting emotional now... I'm so sorry... you really don't have to read this and if you are, then I'm so shocked... why should any of you give a damn about me? I'm just a guy who writes stories for your entertainment... You shouldn't care about me... It's not like anyone does...
I'm going through so many things and I just....
I want to die....
I'm serious...
I don't want to feel pain anymore... I don't want to be misgendered anymore... I don't want to deal with my family's bullshit! I just want to fucking die........
I would feel so happy to just cut my wrists and be done with it... Or overdose and wait to die... Or hang myself and slowly stop breathing...
Whatever will end my pain. I'm just so DONE! I want to just fucking die......
I need help... because I don't want to hurt anyone... but I don't want to hurt anymore... I don't know what to do anymore...
i hate who i am. I'm a nobody. I have no worth. It wouldn't matter if i died. So many people in this world are better than me. I'll never be as good as I want to be. Ever story I write I find mistakes and I just want to make my stories better because I want you guys to like what I make... But I'm never satisfied with my writing.
I'm not satisfied with anything.
I'm not happy with who I've become.
I wish life was easier.
I wish I didn't have to go through this shit.
I wish I could just disappear like I never existed.
Things would be easier then... right?
Probably.

Anyway... this rant has gone on long enough. Sorry for bothering you...
I know you want updates and I promise they're coming.
If I even live through the night....

Thanks for reading if you made it this far....
Have a lovely evening.

Bye guys.