The GLIMPSE Contest Hub

Judge #1 Scores and Feedback

Ito na ang pinakahihintay ng lahat. Ang scores and feedback ng mga hurado sa bawat entry.

Let's take a look kung ano ang resulta and feedback from JUDGE #1.

Challenger #1: The Ghost's Angel
Content - 36%
Creativity - 20%
Cleanliness - 14%
Total - 70%

FEEDBACK:
A. Technical Writing.

1.Proper use of ng at nang
2. Proper use punctuation marks
3.Separating of sentences/paragraph from quoted conversations. And it's sometimes confusing who said what.
4. I understand you want to imply strong emotion or convo. I do this style too. But there were additional letters/punctions in the wrong places.
5.This is a one-shot. Why have multiple POVs? It just scaterred the thoughts na dapat compact sa iisang part lang. The emotion of the story followed. Kumalat kaya di malakas ang impact.

B. Style
I'm afraid I can't connect to the story. Why?

1. Unnatural convo flow. Pabebe in short. I was like reading a pa-cute telenovela.
2. Characters reactions to the situtation are also unnatural.
3.The story confuses me. Is this in Korean setting? I know, you  were inspired by KDramas, however, hindi masyadong connect sa setting at personality ng characters ang convo flow. They have Korean names and expressions. Yet, nagta-Tagalog sila like 98% of the story. If you want to tell a story, fix your setting.
4. Know the difference between ghost, spirit, soul, dreaming in comatose stage it oyung mga pagkakataon na ang utak raw ng tao ay naglalakbay or in denial, and someone in astral projection. Kai isn't dead yet, right?
5. There are many characters played. Nawala ang focus sa 'Ghost at Angel'
6. Plan your story parts. Parang minadali mo ang ending to comply with the number of words required
7. The love story part between the 'Ghost and Angel' is shallow, to be honest.
8. Title : THE GHOST'S ANGEL … too plain kung iba-base sa story. Won't even make me think. Yet, still doesn't fit dahil Kai was not a ghost.

Though I wasn't really impressed with the story and how it was written, I was impressed that you tried. That's good. Try again until you make it.

Challenger #2: Dear Mirani
Content - 48%
Creativity - 28%
Cleanliness - 16%
Total - 92%

FEEDBACK:
A. Technical Writing.
You chose to write in English so be very wary in delivering it. Formal English is different from conversational English
1. Correct verb tenses
2. Punctuation marks
a. For contrtacting words: ex. Its vs it's
b. Conversations in quotation marks : ex . "Yes dear." vs "Yes, dear."
3. Separating of sentences/paragraph from quoted conversations. And it's sometimes confusing who said what.
4. Proper word use : ex.
a.  soon vs later ; in vs at vs with vs to vs at vs on vs by
b.  changing from verb to noun to adjective forms
c. Words may have the same meaning but remember that they have different usage
5. Subject verb agreement
6. You could have at least italized the flashbacks/dreams  and added spaces, so as not to confuse readers which ones are happening currently and which are not


B. Style
1.Very nice story.
2.The setting and sequencing are done really great.
3.Not cliche and not predictable.
4. You gave a different side of the theme second chance
5. Title : DEAR MIRANI … creative in the sense that you use the letter's

Challenger #3: The Next Time
Content - 45%
Creativity - 24%
Cleanliness - 17%
Total - 86%

FEEDBACK:
A. Technical Writing.
1. Minor typo errors
2. Minor spelling errors
3. Minor error with ng vs nang usage
4. Proper use of prepositions : on vs from
5. Separating of sentences/paragraph from quoted conversations. And it's sometimes confusing who said what.


B. Style
1. Convo flow wise, sakto lang.
2. Anti-climactic, though. I mean, I didn't feel the climax in the story. Medyo nanghinayang ako, nauumpisahan na akong maka-relate sa emotion ng story suddenly biglang tapos na pala.
3. The story could have been better kung properly delivered ang parts.
4. Medyo cliche ang story plot pero nadala mo sa style nang pagsulat.Hinsi ka nag-focus sa cliche part na rich guy then poor/middle class na girl. I like the way you focused on the fears/emotions nung bidang babae.
5. Hindi ako masyadong naka-relate sa title na THE NEXT TIME kung iba-base ko sa story. Maybe you should just make the title NEXT TIME. Iba kasi ang ibig ipakahulugan kung sasamahan mo na ng "THE"
6. I like the no filtering style. If the character is to cuss, binuo mo ang pagmumura nung tatay. Why I go for this? Your medium is writing so spell it out.