The Keys to my Diary ~ Fern

Friday, June 19

Okay, it's finally Friday, and now I want to go back to Thursday. I should have devised some discussion topics to have in my back pocket in order to avoid awkward silences. I'm so nervous now that my brain is mush, and I can't think of anything. I sure don't want to end up talking about the weather, which is usually fairly consistent here.

This is going to be a disaster. What was I thinking accepting a date with this man? I don't belong in his world. I'm going to stick out like a sore thumb.

My stomach feels queasy. I've never felt tummy butterflies like this. I hope I don't hurl on the restaurant's fancy place settings.

I have my dress on and I'm pacing. I'm standing at the counter writing this because I don't want to get wrinkled. I still have over an hour before I need to leave, and I'm a nervous wreck.

There are only so many times I can check my hair and lipstick. Yes, I'm actually wearing lipstick. It's a bright pink color, and I'm a little self-conscious about it. Marina assured me that it would look great, but I'm used to only wearing sunscreen, mascara, and lip balm. This fuchsia color on my lips makes me feel like I'll walk into the room and all anyone will see is my lips. I know that I am being silly, but this has been the longest hour ever.

My palms are sweaty and I feel like I have to pee all the time. This is exactly how I felt the one and only time I had a speaking role in a school play. The limelight is definitely not for me.

I'm going to walk out to the canal and try to relax. I'll stay back from the water so I don't trip. That would be just my luck. Maybe Maddie is out there. She will help ease my nerves with her silly chatter. Her lighthearted, fun demeanor is exactly what I need right now.

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