The Keys to my Diary ~ Fern

Thursday, January 14

Stupid, stupid, stupid! How could I have been so dumb? I cannot believe what happened at work today, or Mac's reaction to it. What am I going to do now??

Okay, I need to calm down and back this train up a little bit. Maybe writing about my predicament will help me figure out the best way to proceed. I sure hope so.

It was just an average day at work. I was sitting in the morning meeting when it was brought up that Dan would be getting a promotion from Manager of Food and Beverages to Director of Food and Beverages. I was super excited because I really like Dan. He's fiftyish with sparkly, mischievous green eyes, and he always sits on the edge of my desk to chat when he stops by the office. He is fun to talk to and mildly flirtatious, but I have never felt the slightest bit uncomfortable about it. He just has a friendly, flirty personality.

Anyway, Dan is on vacation this week, so they decided to surprise him with his promotion upon his return. Our office VP thought it would be nice if we had his new office all set up when he got here on Monday morning, so he asked if there were any volunteers to clean out Dan's old desk and put his belongings in his new desk. Dopey me volunteered. What was I thinking?

Things were fine, until I got to his lower left desk drawer. In it, was an open box of photographs. They were really raunchy pictures of men of all shapes and sizes. There were naked men sprawled out on muscle cars, men dressed up as women, men touching themselves, men doing a wide range of sexual acts with each other, men at an all-male orgy.

I slammed the drawer shut when I saw that last one. I had never in my whole life seen or even imagined anything like that.

I sat there for a long while, trying to get my panic attack to subside. What should I do now? Obviously, Dan wants to keep this side of his life a secret. Should I move the pictures and pretend like I didn't see them? I want to put all of the stuff back in Dan's old desk and have him move himself, but I told the VP of our department that I would take care of it. I can't fail to comply, or he'll want to know why it didn't get done. I can't tell him about the pictures, or Dan might lose his job. I certainly don't want that.

Good grief, why would he keep pictures like that at work? Or, if he needed to look at them at work, why were they in an open box in a drawer. At a minimum, they should have been in a box with a lid, preferably one that locked. He is going to know, without a doubt, that I saw them. This has the makings for the most awkward work relationship I have ever had.

I wish I could go back and un-volunteer for this job. I'd much rather Angela had to do it, although she would probably tell everyone and try to embarrass him about it. Ugh.

I am paralyzed with indecision over what to do with the pictures. Maybe I should just leave them in the old desk, and Dan can come to retrieve them himself. No, he would still know I saw them, plus that runs the risk of the new manager that is taking his old position finding them.

Since I couldn't formulate a decent plan, I decided to think about it overnight. Dan won't be back at work until Monday, so I still have time to figure this out.

I then made the mistake of telling Mac about my predicament during our video chat, thinking that he might be able to help me figure out what to do. He came absolutely unglued. He was appalled that someone would keep something like that at work, and that I had seen it. Thankfully, I hadn't given him Dan's name because he intended to report him if I wasn't willing to do it myself. Getting Dan in trouble was the last thing I wanted, so I had to put my foot down about the issue. I told Mac I would never forgive him if I found out that he (or anyone on his behalf) told on Dan. "It's completely inappropriate," he fumed, even as he reluctantly agreed not to turn him in.

After Mac's overreaction to my dilemma, I decided not to tell anyone else. I've been stewing all evening about what to do, and I keep coming back to the same conclusion. I need to move the box of pictures to his new desk while being careful not to drop them for all to see in the hallway between the offices. Then I'll just act like nothing is different with Dan. It might be awkward between us for a while, but hopefully not too long.

Phew, it's a relief to have that figured out. It may not be the best thing to do, but at least it's a plan. Maybe now I'll be able to get some sleep.

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