This weekend with Mac did not go well at all. He dropped some bombshell news on me, and I had a less than stellar reaction. I'm not sure what the future holds for us.
Things started out great. We did our usual marathon of talking, and laughing, and catching up, and eating, and making love. It was glorious, just like our time together always is, until we were lying naked in bed after a particularly passionate round in the sheets, and he said those dreaded words: 'We need to talk.'
I immediately thought he was breaking up with me because, in my experience, that's what normally comes next after that statement. My heart started hammering in my chest and my voice sounded shrill, even though I attempted to sound casual when I asked what was up.
He practically cringed when he told me the news. He is getting ready to leave on a 'big trip' on his yacht. That didn't sound too bad to me, at first. I started to become cautiously optimistic that maybe this big reveal wasn't going to be too awful, until he delivered the next metaphorical punch to my gut. His 'big trip' is going to take six months!
The words kept swirling around in my head. Six months? How will I survive that long without him? I thought one month was torture. Does he intend for us to remain a couple or is this his way of ending things with me? Why doesn't he just ask me to come with him?
He seemed to be waiting for me to say something, but I couldn't seem to formulate any coherent words. When he asked if I was okay, I answered him honestly, with a simple 'no.'
We were both silent for a long time, each of us wrapped up in our own thoughts. Mine were spiraling out of control. When he finally asked if I thought we could stay together, I ran my fingers through my hair saying that six months is a really long time.
He looked hurt, but nodded and agreed that it is indeed a very long time. Then he dressed and left without another word. Why didn't I just say that yes, I wanted to make it work?
I'm not even sure when he's heading out, but I'm guessing that it's soon. I don't want to leave things with him hanging like this. If anyone is worth waiting six months for, it's Mac. How could I let him leave without expressing that to him?
I'm going down to the dock right now to tell him how I really feel.
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