The Keys to my Diary ~ Fern

Sunday, May 10

I'm so glad I dug my copy of The Secret out of the trash. I think it's really starting to work in my life. The little penis fiasco was not ideal, but other than that, my life has been going pretty well since I started living according to the 'thoughts are things' philosophy.

What's one teeny-tiny disappointment in the big scheme of things? Okay, that was just mean. I'm not going to write about Jared's diminutive manhood any more. Okay, I probably won't be able to resist if I go to a party where we have those little cocktail wieners, but barring that, I'm going to make every attempt to stop.

As I sit here writing, I'm amazed and grateful that I found this fantastic apartment. It is so wonderful to have my own space. I hadn't realized how much my roommates (and their boyfriends) were driving me crazy. I also am surprised how much I enjoy solitude. As a single lady (I can't write those words without waving my left hand Beyoncé-style), I have always believed that I spent plenty of time alone. There's a big difference, though, in having an entire apartment to myself, rather than having to hide out in my bedroom to have any solo time.

Having my own bathroom that I don't have to share with anyone is worth the price of my rent. Not having to go to the laundromat is a wonderful bonus. Now that I have made the move to live on my own, I can't believe that I didn't do this a long time ago.

I'm choosing to ignore my apartment's main flaw, which is that it sits along the west side of the house. When the sun starts to set, the heat is almost unbearable, even with the shades drawn. The window air conditioner and ceiling fan both run at full blast, but they just can't keep up with the intensity of our South Florida sunshine. Now I know why Karen wanted to show me the apartment in the morning. I probably would have leased it anyway, though. This place is my little slice of heaven on earth. (Although right before sunset, it feels like the temperature of heaven's counterpart to the South.)

Speaking of the sun, Karen's daughter, Maddie, is a pint-sized ray of sunshine. She has really taken to me for some reason. She waits on the steps leading up to my apartment for me to get home from work. When I turn the corner into her line of sight, she jumps up and runs to me chanting, "Fern's home! Fern's home! Yay, yay, yay!" I have never had anyone be that excited to see me, and I have to admit, I really like it. I don't do much to deserve her adoration, other than listen intently to her stories and offer her an occasional popsicle, but she doesn't seem to expect anything from me.

Karen just shakes her head and tells me to send Maddie home when I tire of her. I can't imagine ever getting tired of having the sweet child around. She bubbles with joy. For the first time, I am starting to wonder if I may have missed the boat by not having a child of my own. I normally don't allow myself to think about it because I've never been in a situation where it was an option. I am coming to the end of the road for pregnancy to be a viable option, but I guess I could always adopt someday. There are plenty of children who need a family.

For now, I'm not going to worry about it. I'm just going to enjoy my time with Maddie and radiate gratitude for the positive changes that are happening in my life. I have straightened out my living situation, so now I need to focus on my career—or lack thereof. Good things are on their way to me. I can feel it.

***If you don't want to wait to read more, the entire book is available as a FREE download! Get it at your favorite ebook vendor HERE: https://books2read.com/u/3JKKBg