jachary, "I'm not gay"

Chapter 14 <3

tw self harm

Jack's P.O.V
I didn't want to seem weak so even though Zach told me Julie was inside the house I went in anyways.

I walked up the stairs and went into Jonah's (and Zach's & Corbyns) room to see them both sitting on the floor comforting eachother.

"what're you doing here?" I was meaning to ask Julie but Jonah answered instead.

"I live here, what do you mean "what're you doing here?" I shot him an annoyed look.

"I'm talking about Julie." I tried to stay calm.

"M-" Jonah was going say something until Julie cut him off and put her arm on him motioning that she could speak for herself right now.

"I'm sorry, jack" the words that left her mouth made me want to cry more than I already wanted to.

and with my quivering lip I said something. "No, no, no! you're not sorry!" I looked around like if i was going to die, because that's what it felt like. It felt like I was going to die.

"Jack" she put her right hand on my cheek as I let out a tear. "I am truly sorry." she gave another apology.

"How could you do this to me, to us?" I asked her trying to keep my strong(ish) face on.

"I couldn't help it" she hung her head down in shame.

"how long has this even been going on? how long have you had me out here looking so fucking stupid?!" I yelled then turned my head and let out a cry into my elbow real quick.

"about 3 months" she whispered hoping I didn't hear but I did. And once I did those words were the only things that were replaying in my mind.

"wow" I gave a sarcastic laugh. and continued "THREE months? THREE months!" I felt so stupid and pathetic. this had been going on for THREE FUCKING MONTHS!!

why am I so oblivious to absolutely everything?!

she was scared of how loud I was yelling and she shook two times as I was yelling.

"I-I" I cut her off before she could say anything because I knew exactly what she was going to say.

"Don't you dare give me one of your shitty apologies again!" I was filled with anger, I had given her my all for about a few years! And she just cheats on me. and it wasn't even for a little bit. It was a whole 3 months.

"Jack-"

"Just SHUT UP! I'm done. I gave you all my love and my attention and ugh I gave you everything, I gave you EVERYTHING, and this is what I get in return? maybe this is why I've been so confused lately.. I gave you all my love to the point where that I don't even know what love is anymore.. you have me thinking I like boys but that's not the case.. I just- I can't love anymore and it's all YOUR fault!" I finally let it all out but I didn't think the hurt words that came out of my mouth would hurt another person..

after the room filled with silence and I walked out as I straightened my body and slammed the door behind me, only to see that Zach has been there the whole time.

he looked at me then looked down awkwardly not knowing how to react. I didn't even know how to react.

"I-I'm sorry" I apologized once again.

"nope, you're not" he gave me a sarcastic laugh, kind of like the one I gave Julie and he walked down the stairs to sit next to Corbyn on the couch.

i couldn't walk after Zach. because.. I was done. I didn't want to be begging for people anymore, I didn't want to constantly be trying for someone who was obviously not willing to fight as much as I have.

but I did just say I wasn't into guys.

I groaned as I put my hands in my hair running  my hands through it. because I. Am. So. Confused!

I need to think.

I walked into Daniel and i's room only to see Daniel crying.

"Why are you crying?" I walked to his bedside to comfort him.

"leave me alone" he kicked me off, I didn't understand why he was mad at me?

"Why does everyone hate me?!" I through myself on my bed because everything I did made absolutely everyone in the room mad.

"I mean Zach doesn't hate you" he said softly, was that why he was mad?!

then it all came back to me.

Daniels also in love with Zach.

"Look Daniel, if you have feelings for Zach, I am not going to interfere.

he looked at me frustrated. "you don't even have to try and you're still interfering!" He walked out of the room to leave me by myself.

I threw my head back onto my pillow. And I watched the clock which was on the dvr as the hours passed. I couldn't stop thinking.

Especially about Zach.

How could I go this long without knowing Zach has had feelings for me...

how could I not realize that for 3 months I had been getting cheated on.

why was I so in love with both Julie and Zach?!

I let out a few tears and sat up looking down and letting my legs hang from the side of the bed.

then I wiped my tears as I went into a depressed state of mind.

I began to grow tired and my eyes just seemed to get heavier and heavier as I made my way to the bathroom.

"fuck this" I yelled between my sobs.

I looked around the bathroom for something sharp but my vision was blurry due to the constant tears coming out of my eyes.

I finally found something well enough to cut.

It was the razor I used to shave..

i ran a bath as I sat in the tub and looked at my arms closely to see where I'd place my marks.

I began to slit my wrists, i was about 8 cuts in until Jonah had walked in on me

Now the only reason he even walked in was because he heard the loud cries I gave each time I cut a large cut on my wrist.

but he ran to my assistance not caring about everything that had been happening between us.

he was still the good ol' Jonah.

—
A/N; hi, it's me! Julie, duh! I just wanted to say ty for the reads but I feel like this is beginning to suck booottyy ahhh!

Anyways if you've been here since the beginning and you're still reading this then you're like the best person ever😂 and I love you!

And uh press the star for a cookie;)