On the Road- Awsten Knight Waterparks

Chapter Twenty Two

Isla's POV: trigger warning: depression, mild self harm

For the rest of the day, I just walked through it like a zombie. I held barely any conversation, showed any emotions, or fucks to give.

I was having a blind day, it was a day of thick dark fog in my mind. As soon as I packed up after the show, I got into my bunk straight away and shut the curtain, blacking out the whole bunk.

The only thing that lit up was my phone, I had to dim it to the lowest brightness and then add a black overlay to the screen just to bare looking at it.

I ended up just watching YouTube videos until I fell asleep.

The next thing I knew, my alarm was blaring next my ear. 9:30am I pressed snooze on the alarm but the ten minutes felt like 30 seconds. I groaned and unlocked my phone, wincing at the brightness.

I opened all my messages and replied to a couple of people such as Eli and my friend Becca. I sighed heavily and got out of my bunk.

I saw Awsten and Otto already by the kitchenette.

"Good morning." Awsten smiled when he saw me.

"Hey Isla." Otto also greeted me.

"Hey guys." I said tiredly and gave them a weak smile.

I walked over to the fridge and got out a bottle of water and went into the back room.

After about five minutes of scrolling through my news feed, I sighed and set my phone down. I looked up at the ceiling of the bus and picked out tiny shapes I made out of the little marks on it.

"What's up?" Awsten's voice brought me out of my trance and my head snapped towards him and I watched as he sat down across from me.

"What do you mean?" I asked and picked up my water, taking a sip.

"You seem a little out of it recently, is something going on?" Awsten asked looking concerned. My eyes glazed over slightly.

"Um. I'm fine just a little stressed, I think. Don't worry about it." I tried to play it off but there was no convincing Awsten.

"Don't lie to me, Isla. You're talking to someone who has used those exact same excuses before." He sighed and ran his fingers through his hair.

"I- I'm-" I didn't know what to say, no one had ever really pressed further, except Eli.

"I understand. Just don't block me out. Don't build a wall between us, please." He sighed, my leg was now shaking with my anxiety of talking. Tears threatened to fall from my eyes.

"I'm sorry. I can't do this." I stood up and ran to the thankfully unoccupied bathroom. I locked the door behind me and sank to the floor.

I couldn't talk to him about it, he would think I'm too much. He'd realised how fucked up my brain is and he'd want out.

My nail scratched at the skin on my wrist, in attempts of distracting myself from it.

For fucks sake, Isla, there's people in this world with much worse things happening to them. What have you got to be upset about? A guy you like likes you back? You're working one of your dream jobs? You have a happy healthy family? God, get a grip!

I scratched harder at the skin on my wrist breaking the skin. Tears flooded my eyes and I silently sobbed.

Why do I have to be like this? Why do I have to turn into a fucking zombie whenever something good happens? What the fuck is wrong with me?