Trigger Warnings: Depression and Self-harm.
Isla's POV:
I ended up falling asleep when I was on the phone with Awsten. I woke up the next day at 6pm. Great, I've slept 25 hours and completely fucked my sleeping pattern up.
A migraine throbbed through my skull as if someone was constantly banging a drum off beat. I winced as I unlocked my phone, the brightness like a stab. I put my overlay onto my screen to make it bearable.
5 unread messages
Yesterday 19:26 pm
Awsten: Hey princess, you fell asleep. Call me when you wake up x
Today 13:54pm
Awsten: Are you okay beautiful? You've been gone awhile x
Today 14:32pm
Alaric: You were asleep when I got back. Come up to my room when you can
Today 15:21pm
Mum (Willow): Have you had something to eat honey? Do you want me to cook you something and bring it down?
Today 17:03
Awsten: Seriously, Are you okay?
I didn't have the energy to talk to anyone so I just cleared my notifications and started to watch YouTube videos.
I know I should reply to my boyfriend, especially when he seems worried, but I just need to be alone.
I sank my head into my pillow, the only place where I get to avoid the world.
Awsten: Baby? Are you still asleep? It says that you've read my messages x
I ignored him again. I couldn't find it within me to have a conversation with anyone when I'm like this.
Awsten: Are you ignoring me? Have I done something wrong?
My eyes welled up. Why do I have to be like this? I don't deserve him. My phone started to ring, it was him.
I let my ringtone sound throughout my room filling the dark space. When it stopped ringing, I let a breath of air I didn't realise that I was holding.
Awsten: I'm worried. Please answer x
He called again. I started to cry heavily. Why can't I pick up the phone to my own Goddamn boyfriend? Why am I so pathetic?
Awsten: I love you, call or text me when you can x
He stopped.
He's fed up with me. I annoy him. He's angry. Why wouldn't he be? I'm so stupid. I'm a failure. No one wants to be around me.
My legs started to thrash about, trying to get rid of the built up anger at myself. I didn't work.
What the fuck is wrong with me? Why can't I just be okay?
I got out of my bed and went to my shower and turned the cold water on. I undressed and got under the icy cold water, trying to feel anything without going back to old habits. Please work.
It worked for a couple of minutes, calming my thoughts. Until they flared up again.
You'll never be good enough. You'll never be able to love completely. You're too toxic. All you do is cause him grief. Tell him not to bother coming for your birthday. Break up with him. Find a new job. He deserves better.
YOU ARE READING
On the Road- Awsten Knight Waterparks
Fiksi RemajaIsla (pronounced eye-la) is a 19 year old girl who has just finished her sound technician degree. She wants to travel the world but has no money. So she decides to try get a job as a roadie, all she brings with her is a small suitcase of clothing, h...
