On the Road- Awsten Knight Waterparks

Chapter Twenty Seven

Isla's POV:

I was ecstatic. Truly happy. But still at the back of my mind was this anxiety and darkness, eating its way into my thoughts.

That night, we all went to bed quite early. After we had got back to the bus it was around 9:30pm and everyone was starting to go to their bunks and just chill or sleep. I changed into some sweatpants and a t-shirt, tying my hair up into a ponytail and wiping my makeup off.

"I've had a really good day." I said quietly to Awsten as we sat in the back room alone.

"I did too. Hey can I tell you a secret?" Awsten asked mischievously.

"What is it?" I asked.

"I have a really cute girlfriend, but you didn't hear that from me." He giggled and I blushed but then looked away. I was going to hurt him. Break him. I'm too toxic. I pushed the thoughts to the back of my mind and turned back to face him.

"Don't worry I won't tell anyone your secret." I joked back.

"Pinky promise?" He held his pinky finger up. I hooked my pinky with his. Fuck. He's so nice and special, he doesn't deserve my shit. Push it back, Isla. Push it back.

"I'm going to head to bed I'm pretty tired. I'll see you in the morning yeah." I said quickly standing up.

"Hey Isla wait." Awsten grabbed my hand. I turned back around to face him. "Don't I get a goodnight kiss?" He smirked.

I gave him a quick peck on the lips before whispering a "night." And heading to my bunk.

I laid down and closed the curtain, before pressing my palms to my eyes.

Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck! What did I do? I've let myself get in too deep. He's gonna find out everything. Everything. My fears. My weaknesses. My uncle. Everything. He's going to hate me. Fuck!

Tears started to flood my eyes as I silently held myself, willing myself to stay quiet. I harshly wiped away my tears with the backs of my hands.

My head was thumping with a dull ache that was threatening to get worse. I sighed, turning over and switching off my bunks light.

I heard Awsten getting into his bunk across from mine. I covered my mouth so he definitely couldn't hear my gentle sniffles and sobs. I heard his soft giggle as he must have been looking at something funny on his phone.

My phone vibrated when I notification popped up on my phone, lighting up my whole bunk with the LED screen.

Text Message from Awsten💙

This cow stole my aesthetic...

I started quietly laughing. Goddamnit even when I'm feeling like shit he cheers me up without realising.

I texted him back.

Isla: Nahh that cow is so much cooler than you!

I heard him giggle.

Awsten: You're so mean! If you carry on I'll sneak into your bunk and scare you.

I shook my head smiling

Isla: Don't you dare! I'll scream and make everyone mad that you made me wake them up...

Awsten: I miss you...

Awsten: omg I'm literally a 12 year old girl!

Isla: You're 3 metres away from me, you knob! Plus you saw me like 30 minutes ago.

Awsten: I know but still... I'm a needy bitch.

Isla: Cuddles?

Awsten: Where? :D

Isla: My bunk

I heard him shifting around. I wiped my face once more just to try get any remnants of my tears to disappear. I shuffled right up to the side of my bunk to make room for him.

My curtain opened a little and I saw his tired face in the buses dim lighting.

"Hi." He whispered before getting into my bunk next to me. We had to be extremely close because of the small proximity of the bunk. I propped my head up on my hand and looked at him is the slither of orange light that shone through the curtain.

His arm wrapped itself over my waist, his hand stroking my back. He's going to feel your love handles and think your disgusting. He smiled widely at me.

"What?" I asked looking away from his eyes.

"I just like looking at you." No you don't. I'm smiled weakly.

I let my head fall down to my pillows and I let out a sigh.

"What's going on in that mind of yours?" He asked me. Everything. He'll find out everything and he'll hate you for it. He'll think you're an idiot. An attention seeker. A child. A stupid child.

"Nothing much, you?" I said trying to change the subject.

"I'm just happy that's all and I'm thinking about why." He smiled. You won't be happy if you stay with me.

"I'm glad you're happy." I closed my eyes. You're going to poison him. Infect him with your misery and darkness.

"Seriously, are you okay? You look like you're distant." Fuck. Shit. Fuck. Don't show it. He'll know everything. He can't know. He'll hate you.

"I'm just tired. Trust me. I'm fine. I'm happy." And the best actress award goes to.... Isla Scott!

"Good. Now come here." He smiled and pulled me into a kiss. His lips were hot and soft. I continued to kiss him trying to shut out the voices. You're not good enough. You don't deserve happiness. You don't deserve love. Shut up.

My breath was shaky as Awsten pulled away from the kiss. He probably thought it was just because of the lack of air I had just gotten, but it wasn't. My shaky breath was just a symptom of the anxiety and depression, the demons.

I snuggled into his chest trying my best to hide the fear and pain. I listening to the slow and gentle beat of his heart. You'll break it, like you break everything.

I couldn't listen to it anymore so I flipped myself over to face away from him. His hand rest on the rolls of my stomach. He thinks you're disgusting. This is pity. He feels sorry for you. Shut up.

I started to hear gentle snores and murmurs from him indicating he had drifted into a sleep. You're falling in love with him. Leave before you can hurt him. You're a curse. He'll know everything and hate you. Leave him before it's too late.

His arm pulled me closer to his sleeping frame. My mouth grew dry. My nail dug into the spot on my hand that had a scar and began to scratch at the scared skin till it was raw and blood spots started to show.

"I'm too damaged." I faintly whispered. I fell into a dreamless, dark sleep that I repeatedly woke from every couple of hours, ensuring my mind and body would be exhausted tomorrow.

A/N
When there's a high, there's a low that follows.
I'm sorry to put a downer on things.
This is why I push people away when I start to feel things for them. This is why I've never been fully in love.

Thanks for reading.
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izzyowen01💔