{ #4 } The Darker Side Of The Moon (MxM || 18+)

Chapter 30 - Is My Dominant Back?

The Darker Side Of The Moon
Book 4 of The Black Moon series
Chapter 30: Is My Dominant Back?

Jeremy's POV – Saturday 5 September 2015

Ugh... Another dull day is beginning. It seems like Gary has already gotten up and I am alone in bed. I don't even have the strength to pull myself up and meet him downstairs where I believe he is cooking breakfast. I might as well stay here for the rest of the day. Or eternity, while I'm at it.

Numbness. Dullness. Apathy. Gloom.

These are the words that would describe the best what I have been feeling for the past week. None of the things I enjoyed in life before seems to attract me anymore.

I don't feel like listening to music when it used to be one of my favorite sources of relief.

Reading? I've never been a great a bookworm, but I still liked to read a good thriller occasionally. I can't do this anymore.

Sex? That's just out of the question. The mere thought of someone touching any of my private areas makes me nauseous – even if that someone is Gary – and yet, God knows how I was addicted to sex.

Even food tastes awful and my taste buds seem to have lost their skills at appreciating the quality of fine dishes.

The only thing that brings me comfort is Gary and his extraordinary patience. I can't believe he has let me laze off for so long already and yet, he hasn't shown any sign of annoyance. He keeps suggesting things for me to do but hasn't complained once each time I declined – which is always, actually. It's not that I am trying his patience or defying him. It's just that I don't feel like doing anything.

Lazing on the couch all day doesn't suit me particularly either, but at least it doesn't involve physical efforts. The only moments I get up are for lunch and dinner, or when I need the restroom. Other than that, I'm just a vegetable occupying the sofa. Even talking to my parents on the phone every other day is painful to me, but in these moments, I try my best to sound a bit less apathic than I really am.

Gary spends the better part of his days in his study, which is attached to the living room, and he leaves his door open, so I usually just enjoy hearing his voice when he is on the phone. It reassures me and makes me feel safe, even more than the guards who take turns watching the house. If at least he was suggesting things he could do with me, perhaps it would motivate me? The only thing I have – stupidly – agreed to is seeing a therapist on the condition I wouldn't have to repeat my story again.

I still shudder at the thought of those long hours I spent recounting everything that happened to me over the last year and a half. Reliving the events was painful enough, but having Gary beside me was even worse. I truly appreciated his support. Feeling his presence helped in a way, but at the same time, it stressed me to no end. I no longer have any doubt about his love for me, so I can only imagine how he felt hearing all the details of my captivity. I can actually more than imagine... I was able to feel his body tense next to mine throughout the interview. The pressure of his thumb on my hand increased whenever I related harder parts.

With that in mind, I really had a hard time speaking to the officers and answering their questions. However, I was willing to get it over with, so in this respect, I made sure to not forget any details. One reason was that I didn't want them to come back another day with more questions. My other goal was to provide as much information as possible to help in their search of Andrei and make sure that he gets the maximum sentence once he is arrested.

Those six hours were absolutely horrible but at least, I was done with it. I wouldn't have to go through this again. Not even with the therapist, I swore to myself. Gary went himself to the first appointment to explain the situation. To be honest, I don't really see the point of me going there if I am not going to talk about what I experienced. Even if I am not familiar with this sort of specialist, I know how they try to make you speak about your issues to help you and I'm not going to do this! What I feel deep down is too personal to share it with anyone else, much less a stranger.