{ #4 } The Darker Side Of The Moon (MxM || 18+)

Chapter 33 - Crucial Decision

The Darker Side Of The Moon
Book 4 of The Black Moon series
Chapter 33: Crucial Decision

Gary's POV – Tuesday 15 September 2015

The last couple of days have been difficult.

Between Jeremy's little stunt on Sunday and the visit to the cemetery, needless to say the atmosphere has been quite straining. All in all, I believe that pulling everything off his chest and meditating at Timmy's grave helped a little, even if I can't see the results yet.

Unfortunately, despite all the reassurance I've tried to convey, Jeremy has retreated into his shell. He does help if I ask him to set the table or cook for instance, but he spends the rest of his time brooding on the couch. He hasn't had another intense nightmare like Saturday night, but his sleep is obviously restless and very agitated. He whimpers a lot, mumbles incoherent words and keeps writhing in his sleep. I believe my cuddles and comforting whispers keep the nightmares at bay, but that's clearly not enough.

Yet, things could have been worse after this terrible weekend. I was scared the visit to the cemetery would trigger horrible nightmares and screams, seeing how difficult it was to pull Jeremy away from Timmy's grave. He knelt there for nearly an hour, whispering words I couldn't decipher, and all I could do was to support and comfort him with hugs and gentle caresses. The return home wasn't easier as Jeremy barely touched his lunch, and although he told me how thankful he was, for Timmy it didn't prevent him from brooding all afternoon long and until he went to bed at night.

Camden and Joshua had sent me texts to call them whenever I could, but I wasn't able to do so until Jeremy had left. Of course, they wanted an update after the fiasco of the boys' encounter on Saturday, so I reassured them the best I could. I was glad to hear that they managed to soothe Noah and Liam though, and we all agreed to wait for Jeremy to get really better before they all meet again.

Having quite a lot of work on my side, I still spend most of the time in my study but at least I manage to work from home, keeping the door open so that I can watch over him. Well, except on Monday morning when I had to attend at least the beginning of the business review meeting in the office, but I made it quick and was back home before noon. I trust Bruce to give me a detailed report of the three-day meeting later and we can still discuss thorny matters over the phone.

This morning, I tried to drag Jeremy for a run outside, thinking that a bit of physical activity would do him some good. It's not about him getting back the nice muscles he had. Despite his protests in the past, he had gotten used to working out and admitted it helped him to free his mind of worries. Running can be soul-liberating, so I thought it could help him again. However, there was nothing I could do to convince him, and it ended up with another fight, him going back to bed and me being pissed beyond measure.

It's getting harder and harder to keep my inner dominant at bay, and he was close to pull out when Jer started to yell back at me this morning. It really took a lot of self-control not to order him to strip, bend over the bed and spank him. I was only an inch from fucking up which is why I decided to go out on my own. The hour I spent running in the quiet streets of Naperville allowed me to let some of the steam off, as did the long shower I took afterwards.

This is getting hard, though. I wish I could use the power I used to have over him, but I know I can't, at least not to the fullest. I just hate seeing him draw back again when there was a bit of progress last week. Now I can only hope that his appointment with Dr. Graff tomorrow will help, but the thing is that I'm convinced something is missing in his healing, something crucial that I haven't been able to pinpoint so far.