{ #4 } The Darker Side Of The Moon (MxM || 18+)

Chapter 34 - A New Start

The Darker Side Of The Moon
Book 4 of The Black Moon series
Chapter 34: A New Start

Jeremy's POV – Friday 2 October 2015

"The problem is I'm bored, Doctor Fenton..." I sigh, reclining in the armchair and crossing my legs, which makes her chuckle.

New country, new city, new therapist. Plenty of new things but I haven't felt so good in a long, long time. Okay, good is not the appropriate word, but at least better. To be honest, I'm not anywhere close to feeling good, but compared to how I was only two weeks ago, there is some improvement.

I can't believe things went so fast.

At the same time, this is not really surprising knowing Gary. When he has an idea in mind and believes he holds the solution, you can trust him to be the most efficient man in the world.

***

Things were getting a tad bit better in Chicago, but then I had to miss a few steps in my recovery. I really thought that seeing Liam and Noah wouldn't be a problem because I wanted to move on and quickly resume a normal life, but in the end, it was too soon. I wasn't ready for that and somehow, all the wrong memories resurfaced, drowning me into a spiral of panic that led me straight back into my shell.

I wouldn't be able to explain how horrible I felt after our friends left. A tsunami of self-loathing overwhelmed me, but not only for the previous reasons regarding my guilt and self-disgust for having been soiled. In addition, there was also an oppressing feeling that I was completely useless and broken beyond repair. For crying out loud, I couldn't even meet friends without panicking! What kind of broken toy was I to reach such levels of distress?

I already hated myself for not being able to fulfill Gary's needs, but I also realized that I was ruining his social life. Of course, I knew he didn't see many people in my absence, wasting one year and a half of his own life, but even now that I was back, I managed to also spoil his fun when he could have enjoyed a moment chilling out with Joshua and Camden. I just didn't understand how he could still bear with my pathetic person.

Gary being Gary, he couldn't let the matter rest and leave me alone, he had to push things further and it led to a pretty bad fight on Sunday morning when he forced me out of bed. In this moment, all the anger and self-disgust I had within me fused into a painful knot of emotions that had to burst out. When he cornered me against a wall, I thought his natural dominance would scare me and make me cower, but instead, it gave me the strength to push him and test his limits.

Gary had been repeatedly telling me how much he loved me, but I needed to try him further and now that I think about it, at least two very positive outcomes stemmed from the incident. One was that a tiny part of the old me managed to resurface, the one that could be considered as a brat with a bad temper. I was quite surprised to see this specific trait of my personality re-emerge, glad that it was only buried deep within me. The second one was that this sudden realization drove me to take everything off my chest, and fuck! It felt good.

Gary knew all the details of my captivity, but I hadn't been entirely honest regarding the true emotions linked to my relationship with Timmy, or even Noah. Well, things didn't go as far with Noah as they did with Timmy for obvious reasons of time-lapse, but within a full year of confinement with my late companion, strong feelings had developed and those made me feel terrible toward Gary. Confessing how fond I had grown of Timmy became a necessity, another way to test Gary's love for me, and as usual, he proved me how flawless and selfless he is.

Not only did he try to reassure me saying there was nothing to forgive and that my emotional interaction with Timmy was only human, but he also demonstrated how much of a thoughtful person he is when he told me what he did for my poor friend. Yes, Gary is fucking rich and one could say that the few thousand bucks he spent on Timmy's funeral were just a drop in an ocean of dollars, but the attention in itself held more power than anything else. I was so overwhelmed by his genuine kindness that all my other concerns instantly vanished, replaced by the sole urge to visit my friend's grave right away.