{ #4 } The Darker Side Of The Moon (MxM || 18+)

Chapter 35 -Happy Birthday!

The Darker Side Of The Moon
Book 4 of The Black Moon series
Chapter 35: Happy Birthday!

Jeremy's POV – Friday 2 October 2015

Shit!! Where is he?

Gary is not in the waiting room when I walk out of the therapist's office. He was there when I went in a little less than an hour ago and I thought he would be waiting for me there as he usually does!

"Mr. Brown?" the receptionist calls me when I am about to leave. "I have a message for you," she then adds with a warm smile as I walk to her desk. "Mr. Campbell called five minutes ago and asked me to tell you he had to go out for an errand but he's running a bit late. He said you should wait for him here and that he'd arrive in about ten to fifteen minutes."

"Oh, thank you..." I say, deeply relieved while I go and sit on a chair.

While I wait, I replay the conversation I just had with Dr. Fenton about the therapy, wondering how right she could be. Even she can't be sure that this is going to yield any positive results but I'm beginning to see her reasoning. I understand that I need to let out what happened to me at some point. Burying all these horrible memories at the back of my head won't help, because they'll still be there. Externalizing them, like the doctor said, would certainly be better.

The problem is not to think about what I endured because that will be permanently engraved in my head and I doubt I will ever be able to forget these seventeen months. Memories keep flashing from time to time, uncalled for, and whether I like it or not, I do think about it. This is not something I can control, so the solution would be to live with these memories and tame them. My problem lays in forming words around those souvenirs and express what I felt while I was a captive. I would like to be able to turn them into words, but only at moments when I am willing to.

I wish I could voice them, but I just can't. There is no way I'm going to bother Gary with these. Hearing them the day I had the interview with the police was painful enough for him, so I don't want to bug him anymore with that. He is the only one I would accept to share them with, though. Even if I feel comfortable around Dr. Fenton, I just can't imagine telling her about my captivity for the good reason that I don't know how I would react as I do so. I would certainly need Gary's comfort in such moments and he wouldn't be there.

In the end, writing about what I endured seems like a better option. The doctor mentioned the journal therapy, but I would feel like I am complaining about my life – because after all, that's the purpose of a journal – and I don't want that. I don't want to fall into this sort of spiral where I keep dwelling on the past and rant about it.

The more I think about it, the more I like the therapist's idea. Using the form of a story with maybe different character names sounds better and it's more creative. Perhaps I will be able to dissociate myself from what I experienced and see things from another perspective?

"Mr. Brown?" the receptionist's voice pulls me out of my thoughts. "Mr. Campbell just called again. He's arriving and asking if you can meet him downstairs?"

"Oh, sure! Thank you!" I reply before I stand up, bid her goodbye and go out.

As soon as I step on the pavement outside, I see a heavily-loaded Gary hurrying in my direction. He is carrying several shopping bags, that he immediately puts on the ground when he reaches me, his face filled with concern. I don't even startle when he cups my face and leans down to kiss my lips. Gary has also progressed with regards to his reserve at kissing me. He is much less hesitant, and I quite like that.

"I'm so sorry, Baby... I didn't think it would take me that long..." he apologizes, breathing heavily.

"That's okay, don't worry... What's all this?" I ask when I notice that the bags are actually full of groceries.