Celebrity On The Run | Dolan Twins ✔️

18th chapter

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Months came and months went. I felt exhausted, sad, tired.

It was like I was suffocating, like I couldn't breathe, like the walls were craving in on me.

Is this how my story is supposed to end? They say 'if you're sad it's not over, keep going'

But maybe, just maybe not every story has a happy ending. Maybe my story has a different ending. Maybe I was never meant to be happy.

I'm giving up and I'm sorry, because I gave up on everyone else as well.

I miss mysef.
I miss smiling.
I miss being happy.

I miss loving anything that isn't sleep just so I don't have to think about everything.

I miss being me.

I always wanted a new start, to leave all bad memories and people who have done me bad behind. I wanted to meet new people who will show me what it is to love and be loved in return. I wanted to leave it all behind, to erase my book back to the very cover, and re-write my story as I please.

"Oh, honey, you've heard about it, but you've never experienced it." My mom told me as I was telling her about a boy I madly "fell in love with". However, she'd just chuckle and shake her head every time I'd say something. "You are too young to understand what love is, darling." My mom said it was unpredictable, sometimes cruel, misunderstood. "Don't be sad baby, one day you will find love though. This just wasn't the right time. Timing is everything." It comes when you least expect it. It plays with people like with puppets. It pulls the strings to direct you in the direction it wants. And the first sign is denial. That's what I'd always hear from people.

I finally understand why my mom would always doubt my feelings. I never knew love, not the real one. I'd always get mad at how she would just laugh at my feelings. I get it now. I get it all.

I really am falling this time. It feels different though. This feels different then my first crush, boyfriend, kiss, sex.. I really am in love this time. It's hard not to fall in love with someone, when they see the mixed up parts of your soul. When they understand the darkest and dustiest corners of your mind. I've tried to change my mind. I don't need relationship, right? I need to make myself happy, then I can make others happy and let other make me happy. I don't ever want to depend on anyone with my happiness. But it's too late now. He cane into my life at a bad time, when I truly hated who I was and what I had become. I was broken, damaged, fading. But he fought his way in and saved me, he saved me without even knowing, without trying.

I know you hate your scars,
I've counted every single on.

I know that you hate sleeping
alone, so you stay
up late every night.

I know how you laugh differently
when you're having worse day
than usually. Just to make others
happy, to not bother them. And they
usually don't notice, because your
laugh is the most beautiful sound
in the world, but it also hides so
much pain.

I know when you talk about
something you're passionate
about, the sparkle in your eyes
is truly hard to miss.

and I know that you're sad,
and I'd do absolutely
anything to fix that.

—

a/n
just a filler chapter, Jasmin's POV, if you're confused it might make more sense in the next chapter ❤️