Everlasting// k.r.l

33. realization,

Layla's POV

My eyes grow wide, as I take a step back holding my hand I just slapped Meredith with.

She looked just as shocked as I was, before she places her hand on top of her cheek that I had contact with. "I-I'm sorry." The words fumble out of my mouth, as my eyes move towards Kian who seemed disappointed.

No one likes the look of disappointment. Especially me.

I quickly make my way to the yard, slamming the sliding the door right behind me. As the breath I was holding immediately releases along with tears. I stand at the edge of the patio, looking down at the now red irritated hand, it was numb and felt like millions of spikes were going at it.

The thought of Kian with someone else, is not a thought I want to have. I've had Kian in and out of my life for so long, and I just want him to be in my life. Every time we're together, it's like something out of a book. It's perfect. I feel like a little teenager sneaking around, it's exciting. Its exhilarating.

But, maybe we aren't meant to be. Maybe all these things keep happening because the universe is saying we aren't meant to be together. We aren't a match, we aren't two long lost lovers, who keep reconnecting till we are intertwined. It's not going to happen. Doesn't seem that way anyhow.

I just can't keep myself away, it's this feeling, like magnets and we're needed to be attached or it's this radiating tension. I have to get away.

I have to get away from Kian.

Wiping the tears that haven't fully fallen, I take a deep breath in. Looking up at the bright blue sky, listening to the sound of birds chirping, as the soft cool breeze blows against my damp cheeks, it was perfect.

I need to get out more, I just stuff myself inside the house and only pop my head out for air.

My body becomes tense when I feel someone stand next to me. Looking over quickly, my eyes land at the side profile of Kian's face as he stares at what I was looking at, the sky. I turn my vision back to the blue sky and watch the clouds as they slowly pass.

The silence was comfortable, it was something I could live with. The tension that was inside the house, wasn't able to fill the whole world on the outside.

He clears his throat slightly to get my attention, "I'm sorry." he spoke quietly. My head snapping to look over at him.

"I shouldn't have let you out of my sight. I shouldn't have let things get to far. I fucked up, I really did. I'm talking about everything, not just right now. I fucked up with you. I was just this little bitch who didn't want to show you my emotions because I wanted to be this big macho man, when I'm not." Kian sighs, rubbing his face with his hand, before letting out a huff.

"I know I know, I should've said something sooner, but I was scared, I thought you wouldn't love me, and Jc kept telling me to just do it. I was going too, but before I could even have you, you slipped away between my fingers and I thought I lost you. I was miserable. I looked every single day, I made sure to check your favorite coffee shop, your favorite stores, your favorite places every single day. Because for some reason my mind was telling me you'll be there, and I shouldn't miss a day of looking, because I'll wind up missing you."

Kian becomes silent, yet even from his profile, you saw his eyes looking around, searching to find the words he wants to say.

"I love you Layla," He spoke up, his words were strong, and seemed to mean so much.

I could feel everything in my body jolt with feelings, it was overwhelming, yet I had to contain it. "This isn't healthy Kian." I say, looking down at the ground, "We can't keep doing this, we can't be something, because it's ruining us both."

Those words, my own words, punched me right in the fucking face.

"Why? Why is it so hard now? I'm here, you're here." Kian says coming closer, and I take a few steps away, keeping my eyes away from him. "Layla... come on."

"Kian seriously, look at us." I say, shaking my head quickly, crossing my arms over my chest. "We aren't good for each other, so many things happened and maybe you and I aren't meant to be, it's a sign."

"But we can work around that sign! It's nothing a little elbow grease can't fix, we can do it if we try."

My eyes trail up to look at Kian, and I give him a small smile which he returns quickly thinking all is well. "I can't try. Not right now, and I don't know when." Kian's face immediately showed defeat, "But, why not? Why can't you try? For me?" He whispers softly, seeming for only me to hear.

My eyes scan over his face, "I am Kian, I'm trying to make you happy, and that's by us not being together. We will both be happier, don't you see every time we try to get together or are together it ends for the worst." I keep my mind at one point, not wanting it to change as much as I really wanted too.

Kian stares at me for a few moments, scanning over my face as he sighs. "Fine."

"Fine?"

"Yes, fine. If that's what you believe is right, it's right then." He shrugs, "I can't argue with you if you don't want to be together, it'll be like fighting a wall." He says, and I sigh. "I want to be together Ki, and you know that. It's just not going to go well and I want you to understand that."

"I do. I do, it's just hard to process. You know?" he says softly, looking up at the sky with a sigh, "Fuck." he groans, biting his lip roughly before looking back at me. "Are we still friends?"

"I want to be friends still Kian, I don't want this to ruin us completely," I shrug, giving him a gentle smile, "I'm not going away anymore."

Kian nods his head trying to reassure himself, "Wait." He says suddenly, "Can I ask for one thing?"

I shrug my shoulders and nod slowly as I become immediately curious.

"One last kiss."

My heart sinks deep inside me, 'one last kiss', those words sounded like a mother telling her child one last cookie and that's it.

I once again nod my head slowly, as he takes a step forward, reaching his hand up and moving my hair behind my ears. He was taking his time, and as he was, everything around us seemed to disappear slowly, my eyes staying locked to him, as nothing else seemed to matter to me.

He places his hand on my cheek, my head lays comfortably there, wanting to feel that contact.

Kian leans forward, his lips pressing to my forehead, and I squeeze my eyes closed tightly. Staying there for a few moments he pulls away, and the feeling of him disappears. It wasn't what I expected.

I open my eyes, to him standing there with a small smile on his face. "I love you Layla Grace Nichols."

"I love you too Kian Robert Lawley."

-
ouch. my heart is hurting in all types of  ways.

do you think it's best that Lay and Kian split and just stay friends or are you a hardcore Lian lover???

Thank you for reading. xo

-v