The Bad Girl (Dolan twins)

Chapter 10

Hey guys, quick anouncement. This chapter includes self harm and suicidal thoughts, so if you're sensitive for it, don't read this chapter, just warning ;-)

Lilith's P.O.V

I'm walking through the hallways of school. I don't feel anything anymore, I'm just numb. I see Grayson standing by his locker. I walk past him and I smell his cologne. I almost feel tears rolling over my cheeks, realising how much I miss him and E. But I can't be weak, I have to stay strong. The old, weak Lilith is gone. 'Lilith' I hear him say. I stop and turn around.

'What?' I ask emotionless. 'Can we talk?' he asks. I look in his eyes and they are sad, and full of regret. I smile. I grab Rose by her arm and push her towards Gray. 'Talk to her' I say bitterly while walking away. I stand by my locker and I slam it closed. I see Jake standing besides it. 'Yo L' he says smiling. I have been hanging with Jake, but I don't see him as something more as a friend, and he sees me the same way. That's good.

'Hey J' I say back giving him a fake smile. 'Oh no, what's wrong?' he asks. He always knows when somethings wrong. My smile dissapears. I don't want to show emotion, not to him, not to anyone. 'Nothing' I say bitter. He sighs and I walk away. 'I'll see you at lunch' he screams at me. I give him a slight smile. When I sit in class, someone throws a paper ball at my head. I'm not in the mood for this.

I sigh and open the note. 'Ugly bitch' I whisper to myself reading the note. I look back and see Drew, the biggest dick of the school. Ever since I turned of my emotions, I stopped standing up for myself. I guess I just don't care anymore. I look back at the board. Those words hurt me, I don't know how, but they just do.

The bell goes and I walk towards my locker. When I open it a note falls out. 'Yo L, I had to go home, family problems, see you tomorrow, Jake.' I sigh and grab the books I need for my next classes. I walk towards the caffeteria and sit alone at a table. I hear laughs and I look up to see Ethan and Grayson talking with Drew.

Grayson and Ethan walk away, I guess towards the toilet. They really have to do everything together. Drew sees me looking at him and I quickly look down at my salad. I eat it trying to pretend I didn't look at them. I look up and Drew is looking at me. I roll my eyes and eat the rest of my salad. Then I hear footsteps and he's standing in front of me.

I look up to see his smiling. 'W-what?' I ask almost scared. He looks at my salad and walks away. I sigh hoping he would stay away. I see that Ethan and Grayson return and they are looking around. They see me and I want to stand up but a hand sits me down again. It's Drew. 'I don't think that those are enough callories' he says while pointing at my salad. 'What?' I ask trying to figure out what he wants.

'Yeah, you're not becoming anorexic again are you? Let me help you to get your callories' he says while pouring spagetti over me. I gasp at the heat of it. Somehow it makes me feel satified. 'Can't forget the yogurt' he says while pouring it over me. I drop everything and just sit there, hearing everyone laugh. I wipe away the stuff from my eyes and look up. I see Ethan and Grayson just standing there with their mouths open.

I stand up and grab my bag. I walk away and I feel something being thrown at my head. 'You forgot your apple loser!' he says laughing. I stop and walk through the doors. Perfect, that was the one thing I needed. As if I'm not already humiliated enough. I run out of school towards my house. I'm lucky my mom and dad are at work. I run through the doors and run towards my room. When I open I scream.

There is painted with blood: I miss you sis. I cry when I see my little brothers favorite shirt hanging on the wall with a knife in it. I quickly close the door and run towards the landline. I want to dial 911, but no one's dead. Well no one new, I think. I put down the phone and walk towards my bathroom and undress myself. I step under the shower and I wash all of the yoghurt and spaggeti out of my hair. When I step out of the shower I look in my mirror. 'I miss you to little brother' I say crying. I want to grab my hairbrush but then I see a razor.

I doubt for a second, but then I grab the razor with shaking hands and push it against my wrist. I cut quickly. I never understood, why someone did selfharm. But now I do, I just feel so worthless, and stupid for everything I've done. I cut and cut until I can't see any place to cut because of the blood. I cry because I realize what I just did. 'Lilith? Are you okay?' I hear Ethan or Grayson scream. Could never tear those two apart by voice. They can't see me like this.

I quickly grab a towel and try to dab my wounds clean. I clean up the blood in the sink and I think they must have hear me because they are standing outside the door. 'Lilith? Are you in there? Are you okay? It's me, Ethan' he says. I have to improvise and quickly wrap the towel around my arms. Then I grab another towel and wrap it around my naked body. I open the door and walk out of the bathroom completely ignoring Ethan. 'Lilith?' he asks. I hold in my tears and keep ignoring him, hoping he goes away. 

'Lilith? What's going on?' he asks while grabbing my arm, but I pull it away immediately. 'Nothing's going on, I'm fine' I say bitter. Then I remember that there is blood painted on my bedroom wall. I look at him, realising who did it. 'You told him didn't you?' I ask angry. He turns his head. 'What?' he asks confused. 'You told Drew that my baby brother died, didn't you?' I ask angry. 'What? Lilith what are you talking about?' he asks concerned. I sigh pushing him towards the door. 'Nevermind' I say while closing the door. I go back to the bathroom and remove the towels from my arms. They already stopped bleeding. I put on a sweatshirt and go to the couch

I guess I'm still in shock, but I don't really care anymore about what happens to me. I lay down putting in my earphones listening to Selena Gomez. I can't deny it anymore, I'm broken. Physically and mentally. I sigh and look at the ceiling. Someone knocks on the door and I open up. 'Grayson?'

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Hey guys! We hit 45 reads!!!! I'm so freaking excited!!!!! You guys, thank you so, so much! I never thought I was gonna hit 5 reads, so this is pretty big for me. I also published 2 other stories, it be amazing if you would check them out. Thanks guys, love you all so much. Stay awesome! Bye!!!

XXX  Jules