Destiny

Two

After Barry leaves the speed force, only instead of Caitlin helping Cisco, Julian does. Also no bus metas or Thinker or Amunet.

"I'm so glad you're back man!" Cisco said excitedly high fiving his best superhero friend. 

"I'm glad to be back," Barry replied, "thanks to the both of you," he nodded at Cisco and Julian. 

"No problem mate." 

Going to the other side of the cortex, Barry went to greet and hug Joe and Wally. Unintentionally, he skipped over Iris and quickly asked, "Where's Caitlin."

The room went silent. Not only due to the fact Barry just totally ignored Iris but because he had just mentioned a name of a ghost.

"We haven't seen her since the day she left us, Barry," Julian told him. Especially saddened by hearing this name. "She doesn't want us to find her, she has been off the grid for ages." 

"Plus why would we want to find her," Iris sneered, "she betrayed us." 

"But she was Killer frost at the time, ruled by the idea that her destiny was to be evil from some image we created by telling her about her doppelganger," Cisco defended his friend.

"Well, I've searched the City before and didn't see a sign of her," Wally said.

"I mean," Joe started, "considering she's wanted in Central City she probably left." 

"Well, we need to find her," Barry said eagerly.

"Barry...," Cisco said, "We don't know where to even start she could be across the world for all we know."

"Then we better start now."

 Putting the team to work immediately. They didn't know why he was so eager to find Caitlin, but some of them wanted to see her too. While one very much didn't.

....

Caitlin wandered the dark streets, cold but it's not like she could feel it. It had been six months since she had last seen her friends at another one her friend's funeral. But she knew she couldn't stay, she was a wanted villain in Central City. She ended up in some rundown town on the outskirts of Central City. Caitlin did end up taking the antidote Julian gave her, but it did little work. She could now contain her powers, but it didn't get rid of them. Her hair stayed in her original red/brown state but her eyes still turned an icy blue when she did use her powers, only a few strands turning white and then back. She didn't use her powers often, only when people got her mad. Which was more often than it used to. She had a job at a meta-bar as a bartender but got fired when she froze a man's fingers off for complaining about too little lime in his drink. She told herself it was just Killer frost's anger coming through, too scared to admit it was most0 likely the darkness she had locked inside for years breaking out its cage. 

She really did want to come back but didn't want to face her friends' disappointed faces. She didn't want Cisco fearing every day if his friend was going to be the same. She didn't want to be pitted by the ones around her. She didn't want the Wests silently resenting her, Iris especially. She didn't want to hurt Julian or have him try to fix her.  She didn't want to want Barry. 

She knew he had hurt her, but she had hurt him. He use to always be there for her. He didn't pity her but tired to protect her. When he should have been, he didn't resent her. He didn't try to fix her, they were both broken. 

She had heard news of what had happened to the Flash, Barry, and it broke her even more. After Ronnie, she always had something hiding. But she pushed it away with Jay, only to end up in more pain. 

She couldn't do anything about it though, destiny proved it would be Barry and Iris...

Then there was Julian, a gentleman, kind, and sweet. The perfect guy. It couldn't work out.  

Then there was Savitar. He was him, but he wasn't. He said Iris' death broke him, but she could tell it was more than that. He told her Iris was the last thing he had left to love, because he lost the one he wanted to love. But now he had her back, but she wasn't the one he knew either. Nonetheless, like all of her past relationships, it fell apart. 

She could never be happy with someone. This made her fall into depression, which with her powers manifested into anger. 

The thought that she use to think about being married to Ronnie and starting a family four years ago made her laugh. Now she all she thought about was trying to stay calm so she wouldn't use her powers and get caught. The future said she was destined to be a villain. Caitlin told herself she couldn't fight destiny. 

Caitlin found a sheet of cardboard under a bridge and decided to rest there for the night. As she leaned back on the hard concrete wall and closed her eyes she heard a familiar voice. 

"Caitlin!" it called out from the other side of the bridge.

Caitlin stood up, "I thought you were gone, in the speed force." 

"Well I'm back," Barry took a step closer.

"Stop!" she yelled before he could take another step, "Don't come any closer." 

"Cait."

"Don't call me that!" that was a first.

"Caitlin, we want to help you. We can't do that if you keep running away." 

"Really, run away. That's ironic," Caitlin held her hand out preparing an icy blast. 

"I don't want to fight Caitlin I want to take you back home."

"Home! Really home. Can I really call the place I lost everything a home? My husband, my reputation, my friends, my sanity! Who even says I'll be welcome back, it's not like you are the only one whose broken things too, Barry. Who says I won't get hurt again? Who says I won't break again? Who says I even deserve to get forgiven!" 

She blasted a strong cloud of ice towards Barry, stronger than she could handle causing her to fall back. Barry, of course, being the fastest man alive, dodged the icy blast running to Caitlin's side to catch her. 

"I do," Barry said to her. He took one of his hands and put it up to his ear to turn off the comms then looked deep into her eyes pushing her hair behind her ear. "I'm sorry Caitlin," he said before pulling her into a deep kiss. 

When they pulled apart they held each other in their arms leaning against the cold wall. Comms still off, everyone at Star Labs wondered what was happening. 

Thoughts piled in Caitlin's head, which was against Barry's chest. 

What is happening? What am I feeling? My chest feels lighter. God! I'm such a slut, he's with Iris. What am I doing? He's hurt me before, but then I've hurt him, and he's saved me from getting hurt before. But then sometimes he hasn't. What is going to happen after this? Should I go back? What if they ask what we were doing? If we lie, Cisco can just Vibe us. Gosh, how about Julian. What am I doing? 

Barry had his own thoughts as well, while brushing Caitlin's soft hair.  

Why have I waited so long for this? Every day in the speed force felt so good but it wasn't real. Caitlin and I, happy together. Until the speed force came along and told me it was fake, that I was doing everything all wrong, and that the suffering my friends have gone through was my fault. But now I am here, and I'm going to fix it. Only I didn't know what was going to happen next.

He remembered Iris for a second, but then stopped because that was all new terrain he didn't want to face yet.

Some time passed and they stayed in each other's embrace. 

"Barry," Caitlin said softly, "What are we going to do." 

"I don't know Caitlin." 

A moment passed, when Caitlin said, "Call me Cait, Bare," 

He pulled her closer, trying to savor this moment of peace. They both knew it wouldn't last long.