Destiny

Fifty two

Caitlin ended up crying herself to sleep after she got to hold Henry. She couldn't  contain herself. All this time she was worried that she couldn't protect her kids from Godspeed, and yet she felt she couldn't do that either.

Barry did his grieving too, but with Caitlin already struggling and still having Nora, he tried his best to keep it together for them.

After Carla and Julian finished their test on Nora, they laid her in a crib beside Caitlin, asleep.

It was a dark day for Team Flash, even darker than the numerous traumatic events they've experienced before.

...

A few hours had passed since Caitlin hsd given birth. Barry watch his two girls as they slept, he couldn't fall asleep. Typically entering parenthood is already frightening as it is, but this was more for them. Fear, danger, sacrifice, so many other factors that made Barry's  mind go nonstop.

Carla told him that when Henry came out, he had no pulse or breath, he came out cold.

...

A few moments later, Nora began to stir awake and began to cry.

Barry quickly picked her super small body up and craddled her.

"Oh, shh baby. Daddy's here, don't cry," Barry whispered trying to not wake Caitlin up. Unfortunately, when Barry looked over it looked like she was already awake when Nora started to cry, but only stared blankly into the corner.

"Cait, I think she's hungry," Barry said, earning no response from Caitlin.

"Barry," Carla said, appearing in the doorway of the med-bay. "Why don't you get some food and water so Caitlin has the energy to breastfeed."

Barry nodded knowing that this was true, but also code for "go regroup yourself and I'll talk to her."

Barry nodded, handing Carla her granddaughter qs he head out to the Cortex.

...

-Cortex-

Barry stepped into the cortex to find Charlie leaning back in a chair, staring sorrowfully at a wall.

"Where are the other guys," Barry asked.

"He went to breach Uncle Thomas back," Charlie replied, "Julian is finishing all the documents and birth certificate."

Barry nodded and sat down in a chair trying to regroup his mind.

"Hey man, are you okay?" Charlie asked, knowing he wouldn't be.

"Best I can be," Barry sighed. "Do you mind going to pick up some food for Caitlin?"

"Sure man," Charlie replied heading out.

Barry now sat alone in the cortex, clouded by his thoughts. Not even thinking about all the Flash stuff, forgetting about Godspeed, and his plan.

My son just... died... he didn't even get to breathe his first breath. Barry started thinking to himself. He's gone... he's gone! Why! He's gone! Barry began to cry into his hands.

"Barry?" Joe said, finally arriving at Star Labs after hearing the news.

Barry quickly rushed to hug his adoptive father, crying into his shoulder.

"Why, why did this have to happen?" Barry said sobbing into Joe's shoulder.

Joe comforted his son, letting him grieve his losses.

"Let it out son," Joe pat Barry's back. "Let it out."

-medbay-  /\ this happens during this \/

Carla sat beside Caitlin, craddling crying Nora.

"She is hungry," Carla said, "if your not ready yet I can give her some formula."

Caitlin shook her head.

"Okay then, are you-" Carla started, before Caitlin shook her head no again.  "It's the stress," Carla said in response, "it's slowing you production. Here lay back."

Carla handed Nora to Caitlin and adjusted her bed so she was more comfortable to feed Nora.

"Nothing's coming out," Caitlin sighed, trying to comfort her screaming daughter. She tried again, but nothing worked. "Just get the formula," Caitlin said handing Carla Nora.

Soon she was back, bottle feeding Nora.

"I can't do this mom," Caitlin said watching her mother cradle Nora's tiny body.

"That's just the PPD talking, and especially after having a stillborn. Caitlin, things will get better, I promise," Carla tried to assure her daughter.

"How do you know? I've already failed as a mother, I can't do this-"

"Caitlin, this is not your fault. None of this is, you didn't fail."

"Sure, because you know, because you know what it's like to fail at being a mother," Caitlin snapped back.

Carla looked down. "I deserve that," Carla replied. "But I know you are feeling very hormonal right now, and the days after this aren't going to get any easier. So if you expect me to continue that streak of being a bad mom, you thought wrong."

Carla stood her ground, still cradling baby Nora.

Caitlin sat back, still watching as Nora took down the podwered formula mixture.

"Mom... can I feed her?" Caitlin asked.

Carla nodded placing Nora in her arms and handing her the bottle.

Caitlin held her close to her chest, making sure to prop her up so she could eat.

Carla left the room so they could have some bonding time.

"I'm sorry, but you'll have to settle for this powdered stuff until I can make my own," Caitlin said to her, caressing her soft skin.

"I love you so much, I'd do anything for you," Caitlin whispered into little Nora's ear, as she began to reach the bottom of her bottle.

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