Gunderkeen one-shots

Shield Idiots

A/N
Based before Sword of Summer
Mallory's POV:
It had been a few months since I died and things were getting a bit easier. My hall mates, Halfborn and TJ didn't not see eye to eye, and was honestly kind a irritating.
They would either kill one another, fight, or just ignore each other's presence.
I sat at our table at dinner, one short moron next to me and one tall moron across from me. Gunderson throwing the occasional kick at TJ, while the Civil War solider would in return would throw items from his plate and silverware.
They were also talking threw me,
"Mallory, tell the Berserker to keep his smelly feet away from me."
"Keen, tell the Solider to quit throwing things at me, his punny attempts are a nuisance."
"Oh yeah? Mal-"
"That's it!" I snap, my hall mates shut up and some einherji at neighboring tables fall silent. "You two are driving me insane! Come on!" I grab eat of their ears and tugged them towards the elevator.
"Unhand me woman!" Halfborn tries to pull away put I twist his ear and keep firm grip.
The elevator doors open to floor 19 and I shove the boys into my room, onto the soft leather couch in the sitting room.
TJ tried to get up but I shoved him back down so he was seated next to Halfborn. They both scooted to opposite ends of the couch, glaring at me and each other.
"Neither if you are leaving until you two can find a way to get along. I'm not spending my afterlife in the middle of your bickering." I cross my arms and glare at them.
"We've got an entire afterlife, so take your time." I take a seat in the armchair.
They sit there, being stubborn.
"He's just an closed-minded, giant-" TJ starts to be interrupted by Halfborn.
"Your just jealous because mines giant compared to-"
"That's enough, your two!" A slight blush on my face from Gunderson's come back.
"It's true." The berserker muttered under his breath.
"Okay, we're getting no where." I breath. "New plan, Never Have I Ever." I go to the cabinet and grab a bottle of whiskey and some glasses. (They're dead so I don't think legal drinking age applies)
"Why?" TJ asks.
"Because, I know little about you two and I'm assuming you know little about each other." I sit down on the chair, setting the booze on the coffee table.
"Dumb," Halfborn muttered.
"It's either this or we sit until you two talk it out." He groans and slumps into the back of the couch.
"Since your most excited, you can go first."
"Fine," He says, "never have I ever, been an annoying little twerp."
"Hey!" TJ protests. "You can't do something you are!"
"Your turns not over until you have an actual one." I glare at him and he rolls his gorgeous eyes, my face flushes at the thought, both in anger and embarrassment.
"Never have I ever, tried to defeat a garm by throwing a cat at it." Halfborn's eyes dance with wickedness.
TJ sends him a death glare and drinks. As curious as I was, I didn't want to open an old wound.
"Never have I ever," TJ starts, "slept walked naked." Halfborn sent him a glare that could have frozen a fire giant, then drank.
"Okay then, never have I ever tried to harpoon one of my hall mates." I smirked as they both drank.
After that they both took a few more hits at each other before they moved to more ridiculous topics. As in, ate a full cow before (Halfborn drank); tried to sneak a stray mutt into the hotel (TJ, it didn't end well); tried to pluck the feathers from one of Odin's crows (me and TJ).
When the booze ran out, we just talked and laughed with each other about different events, finally landing on our deaths.
"...after over fifty years I got tired of it." TJ finished his death story.
"Made it a little easier for me when you weren't hunting down old Confederate guys." Halfborn said, TJ just rolled his eyes at him. I smirked, they were getting along, going without an argument in record time.
"Oaf, your up." I say, avoiding my turn. It wasn't that I didn't trust them, I just didn't want to share right now.
"Okay, fine." He rolled his shoulders and started. "Just under twelve hundred years ago. I left my home of Fläm when I was about, twelve I'd say. Left without saying goodbye to my mom, didn't want to make a big deal or anything." He paused, "at the time, I think I thought I would be back." Shaking his head as if to clear his thoughts.
"Anyway, went aboard a ship that had docked, spend about four years there. One time up in East Anglia, in present day England. Tried to capture the place, was told to protect my Thane. Next thing I know I'm chest deep in Vikings and blood, then I'm in Valhalla. People weren't to impressed with my story, thought I didn't show any true bravery or anything. They came around in the end." He started at the wall adding, "though most of those einherji aren't around anymore."
"Anyway Keen, there's more to your story then what meets the eye I asume." He snaps out of his gaze and looks at me.
"Um, not really, I set car bomb; decided it was a bad idea; tried to defuse it; died; ended up stuck with you idiots." I say shortly.
"Come on, Mal. We told your our whole story." TJ says. I roll my eyes and decide why not, they're bound to fine out eventually. "Fine," I say, TJ places his elbows on his knees, cradling his head. Even Halfborn seems to lean in.
"Some of my mates had been killed and taken into custody. Part of this group, wasn't in great cahoots with the government. Had a lot of anger, I fit right in." I glared at my drawn knives. "Anyways, I was good with engineering and was fully capable of creating a bomb. My mates edged me on," I barked out a harsh laugh, "Loki was there, silver tongued-" a few curses came from my mouth. "Set a complicated bomb on a bus, kids weren't supposed to be on that bus. Ran into this hag dressed in white, talked about following my heart or whatever. My conscious finally kicked in and I went to defuse it." I realized I had tears coming down my face, I swiped at them angrily, and cleared my throat.
"She gave me the knives, 'they're indestructible' she says, then disappears. Wasted my time, talking to her, just a bunch of nonsense about using them well. I was too late, had some time to warn the kids, get them off. Still some casualties." My voice turns to venom. "The woman was Loki as well, wasn't enough to trick me once had to do it again and get me killed."
I glance up at them, they were silent. We sit in silence for a while, none of us knowing what to say.
"Well, get out." I say pushing them out of my room.
"Wait!" TJ exclaims just before I get him out the door, grabbing the frame to come to a halt.
"Mal, if you ever need to talk, we're here. We're shield brothers." He says Halfborn nods behind him. "Well, I mean shield sister, siblings?" TJ rambles.
"Okay, goodnight, shield morons." I say and slam the door.