the progress project [3]

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fiona

"you're making such amazing progress," dr. martin beams, her soft blonde hair cascading down her shoulders, unlike her usual tight bun. "if you keep this up, you'll most likely be able to return home for the holidays."

"really?" fiona asks in disbelief, unable to comprehend the fact that she might be able to see something outside of these walls for the first time in nearly two months.

dr. martin purses her lips. "i just need one thing before i make my decision. can you talk to me about your sister?"

her heart sinks. "do i have to?"

"do you want to get out of here?"

"...i'm four years older than her. so when she was 15 and i was 19, i returned home for thanksgiving break from university. she was a little older than before, more mature, and i had a ton of fun being able to talk with her about more intricate topics. one night when we were in my car after a midnight run to burger king after milkshakes, she just blurted out that she was bisexual. she was upset and begged me not to tell our parents, because even though they're accepting of a lot of things, their catholic background can sometimes be overbearing. it was a year until she came out to them, but the span of time between when she told me and them had made her quiet and closed off. i was worried about her. my parents called me mid-february, right after i had turned 21, crying that she was gone and had run away. when she had told them about her sexuality, they were shocked; they didn't know what to say. my father had just shaken his head and told her that she wasn't, that she was misunderstood... so she left. she meant everything to me, and she just... she didn't even call, didn't tell me where she was going. i haven't seen or heard from her in four years."

the older woman shakes her head. "i'm terrible sorry, fiona. i'm sorry about your sister. i'm sorry about your ex-fiancée. i'm sorry about your ex-boyfriend. i'm sorry about elijah."

tears slip down her cheeks, and she lets them roll. she lets them because she's exhausted of feeling weak for crying, even though it doesn't measure tough how anyone is. no more holding it back. "so... that's why i'm terrified of losing someone. because most of the people i loved have left me."

dr. martin passes her some tissues and squeezes her hand comfortingly, like her mother... oh, how she misses her mother. "we lose people. we lose people we love, we lose people we hate, but it happens to everyone. there's nothing you can do to stop it, and it changes who you are. it breaks you down, but then builds up your strength, makes you become who you are. you can't hide from that, even if you want to."

"what if i don't heal this time?"

"you will. it takes patience," she replies, determination glinting in her eyes.

"how do you know?" fiona questions with an audible sigh.

"it sounds cliché, but time heals a lot. whether it takes weeks or months or years, other people can help, yet the ultimate decision? that's up to you. no one else will pull you up from the hole you're trapped in; you have to claw and climb your way up yourself."

"you're right," fiona says finally, after a long few minutes. "i... i have to do this for elijah. for me... he would have wanted this."

"how would you like to go home for christmas?" dr. martin asks, smiling. "you will be watched at almost all times, but you will still get to see your family and go out."

"really?" her face lights up, and the foreign joy surprises her. "that would be amazing."

"i'll call your parents at the end of the day. i would like to talk more, but we're at the end of our appointment. have a good evening, miss letkum."

she can't wipe the smile from her face. "thank you, dr. martin."

maybe some hopes aren't crushed after all.