the progress project [3]

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fiona

"you came," she says, trying not to act as astonished as she feels. her stomach does somersaults, and she thinks the anxiety is going to make her sick.

"yeah," yuli states, sitting on the opposite side of the bench.

fiona doesn't break her fixated gaze on her younger sister. "i'm sorry about what happened with mom and dad. if i had known you were going to tell them... maybe i could have done more... but i didn't."

"god," yuli laughs bitterly, at what (fiona? the world?), she doesn't know. "do you have any idea how it felt? to hide who you are? to not have contact with your parents anymore? to lose your sister, the one person you thought understood you, but turned her back and ignored you because university meant more? do have any idea how it felt? to lose what you love, just because of who you love, just because people can't accept you for who you are?"

"i've lost what i've loved," fiona whispers, eyes watering. here she goes, making everything about her. "i lost the first person that loved me for me. and it was my fault."

"i..."

"but you know what, yuleysis?" she fires, her tone causing yuli to look up at her, to hide her pain behind a clenched jaw and expressionless face. "i moved on! you claim that you don't want your past to define you, but you keep letting it, and you want to know why? because you're afraid. you're afraid that if you move on, all this shit between you and our parents and me will stay permanent, when it doesn't have to! you can either put on your big girl pants and take your steps forward, or you can put what they did aside and talk to them, like an adult. i'm not saying you have to forgive them, but i know what it's like to lose, too. it doesn't matter how, or whose was worse. all that matters is that you don't let it ruin your life, because it is not an excuse to treat me like shit when i have done nothing wrong but try to support you. so, don't—"

she feels the bile rise in her throat, and she rushes to the sidewalk and heaves.