the progress project [3]

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yuli

her roommate has morning classes, which is usually a good thing, but it is still inevitable that she sees yuli and atília in bed together. it's eight a.m., and the two lie in bed, her head on his chest as he holds her against him with one arm. he brushes a stray hair away from her face.

it takes a solid two minutes for her to realize what she's done. she jumps out of bed and stares at him as if he's an alien, as if she's never seen him before in her life. "last night..."

"i did not think you had the same feelings that i have until then," he smiles softly. "you kept rejecting me, i thought it was—"

"last night was a mistake," she says quietly, but she watches the way his face falls, the way his eyes stop their crinkling, the way his teeth disappear behind the frown on his lips.

"what?"

she looks down at the t-shirt, his t-shirt, she wears. "i shouldn't have done that. i..."

"i knew you were upset last night," he says as half laugh, half spit. "i should have known that my little delusion was not real. i should not have let you give me... i should not have... why did you not just talk to me?"

she shrugs, chewing on her lip. "i don't know how. how do you explain to someone that someone you haven't seen in five years shows up at your dorm room, and you can't tell what they want or what their motives are?"

"come to me when you are not going to be cryptic," he slides out of the sheets and swings his legs to the side of the bed.

"no," she stands in front of him. "my sister showed up. she tracked me down from my aunt eleanor and came to visit me."

"what is wrong with that?"

yuli can already feel her eyes water, her throat unable to swallow. it takes a few minutes for her to gather her thoughts and the right words. "i came out as bisexual at 16. my father refused to believe it, and i knew how he and his parents were as catholics. they believe that it's a sin to be lgbt, that you'll go to hell for it. my grandfather once was joking around and said if i married a woman, he would kill me. do you have any idea how terrifying that is? so to have hope that my father would accept me? to have a hope that maybe he would put his beliefs aside and realize that i don't choose who i love? that there isn't anything wrong with me loving men and women? but no, my father told me it was a phase, that i couldn't possibly want to ruin our family, that he wouldn't let his daughter go against god that way. he believed that satan had possessed me and it was some sort of fucking test or something. i ran away that night, to my aunt's, and i've been living there ever since. so for my sister to come back, to show up after i've been trying to restart after all these years, for her to call me by my full name instead of my nickname, my new name that i changed right when i turned 18... it just... it broke me. so i'm sorry that i slept with you and sucked your dick, okay? but i needed to get my mind off of who i was before."

there is a light blush on atília's cheeks at her bluntness, but he gets up, the sheets falling off of his body to reveal a short, yet muscular body covered by a pair of briefs. "yuli, i am sorry about your family and your past. it seems as if your sister wants to reconnect, yes? so why not take the risk and see if she is different than she was four years ago?"

"i..."

"think about it."

"i can't promise that."

"and next time?" he says, the regret and disappointment returning to his eyes. "do not sleep with me if i do not mean anything to you."

he shoves his sweatshirt and sweatpants on and walks out of the door without another word. her thoughts are too jumbled for her to stop him.