My body is still trembling from that shocking rage I just witness he was capable of.
Natakot ako.
At natatakot pa rin ako sa kaya nyang gawin. This side of him I never wish to see. This side I can't handle.
Hindi kami nagaway ng ganito kalala. Wala kaming pinagaawayan na aabot sa ganito. And as I was looking at him sitting in the bed, head bowed and covered with his hands like he dont know what to do anymore, I realized that I am too just like him dont know what to do.
He is my boyfriend.
I love him for he loves me too.We understood each other perfectly kasi pareho kami ng problema. Pareho kaming may hinahanap. He knows me like I know him. Alam nya ang pinagdaanan ko, alam nya ang problema ko. He knows my flaws and my pain and so am I to him. Kaya ang hirap makita kaming ganito.
"Gusto ko ng umalis. Palabasin mo na ako."
He grip his hair like he's losing his patience. Ako rin naman.
"Gusto ko nang umuwi. Ayoko na Lance. Sana maintindihan mo na hanggang dito na lang ako, kilala mo ako diba ,you know I have already reach my limit in this relationship."
" Hindi na ako masaya." I just cant stop crying. I didn't know this would hurt this much.
"Masaya tayo Celine. I know kasi nararamdaman ko. Kasi kilala kita. Tinaggap kita. Tinanggap mo ako diba? Kaya bakit mo ako papipiliin? I can't and you know it." He stop talking and look at me. Begging for me to understand.
I didn't.
"Lance ayaw mo kasing umalis. Ayaw mong tigilan. Hindi ka makaalis kasi hindi mo sinusubukan. Hindi mo maamin sa sarili mo na hindi mo na talaga kayang tigilan."
That is his truth. His flaw. Yet I love him still. He's honest, he's good but he's not perfect. He also have his flaws. And this is the biggest flaw of him.
"At kahit kailan hindi mo ako pipiliin dahil kahit kailan hindi mo yan maiiwan."
My tears falls rapidly. Ganito pala ang pakiramdam na sabihin ang bagay na kahit kailan ayaw mong mangyari sayo. Sainyo. Na malinaw pa sikat ng araw na wala ng mababago kasi wala namang magbabago.
"Wag kang aalis. Please. Aayusin ko. Ayusin natin to."
Nanaman.
I understand it now. Sawa na akong marinig ang parehong linyang lagi nyang sinasabi kapag pinagtatalunan namin to.
"No. Paulit ulit nalang tayo Lance e. Matagal mo ng sinabi yan. Paulit ulit. May nangyari ba?" Hindi na kami matapos. Hindi na ata kami matatapos.
"I will make it right this time. Please babe just... dont leave me."
"Your reciting the same line over and over again."
"Babe please. Stay."
Again. Noon kapag sinasabi nya to nanghihina ako para ipagpatuloy pa ang away. And I'm crying hard for us now because I can't be that girl anymore.
"If you just can choose me. If you just stop taking it be addicted to it. If you just stop ruining your life our life because we both know you and I were ruined enough."
Hindi na sya nagsalita. I'm hoping he understand now. Mahirap ba akong piliin? Ako na girlfriend nya? Tatanggapin ko naman sya basta tumigil na sya. Pero hindi because he looks at me harshly while saying those words that ends the book. He end it.
"I will never let you leave. Even your friends."
I run to him but he quickly closed the door and I was left alone again not knowing what to do. I don't even know hin anymore. Kinaya na ba talaga akong iwan at ikulong dito? Ano pa ba ang kaya nyang gawin?
