I've always wonder why does it have to be me.
Why does it have to be that night?
Why of all people my friends?
Why of all the places have to be his house?
And why of all people he found me?
I'm a sinner.
Yes.
I so regretted every fuck up things i did.
Including bringing them.
My friends.
To that house.
It never meant to happen.
That night.
We were supposed to be just having fun. Partying to our hearts content. And leave as hammered as everyone else.
Until i saw him.
My ex.
We just broke up a week ago and i am in the process of moving on and then this?
Am i supposed to be happy because he looks like he already forget about me?
specially from the fact that i am the one who called it off?
Why does he have to look this happy, this free?
And why does it hurt?
Oh god it hurt.
Stings like a venom that leaves you paralized not knowing how to stop the pain. Not even knowing how to move.
Maybe this is the reason why i'm here. To move on.
Siguro ito yung hinahanap kong makita para masabing tama yung nagawa ko, it maybe this fucking painful but it is the right thing to do.
This is right.
Yes masakit. But then this is better actually kaysa hintayin ko na masira nya ako. Masira nya kaming dalwa. He's ruined. And i am going to be liked him if i didnt stop this madness.
As i watch him looking so good and carefree. I decided to leave at ituon sa dancefloor ang atensyon.
I dance my heart away never caring of how daring i get. I let my pain flow through my body planning to just dance the night away.
Hanggang sa mas madami na akong kasaway. Niyaya ko na mga kaibigan ko. Then we fire away just like that.
Erika's dancing to some strangers and so is mica and aubrey who was dancing at the middle of the dancefloor and then Lily who looks like getting lucky tonight.
After 5 mins we stop dancing at uminom ulit. Alam nilang may problema ako that is why they're here. Hindi na sila nakatanggi ng sinabi kong nadedepress ako dahil sa break up namin ni Lance. Kahit may pasok kami kinabukasan, dumayo pa talaga kami dito sa batangas para sa isang house party.
Actually hindi namin alam who host this party or who's house is this. We just drag along with our other friends and gatecrash. Sanay naman kaming makiparty madamag the differwnce is the reason of why were here.
Tanga na kung tanga pero gusto ko talaga syang makita ngayon gabi.
Sometimes you just can't help it but know anything from him.
If he's doing fine.
Is he still affecting like i am .
Sometimes you just gotta be that girl and torture yourself.
Like now .
I keep on dancing while looking at him. Waiting for him to look at me too.
Then he look right straight in the dancefloor like he know its me like he'd looking at me for while now.
I miss him.
Hindi naman madaling magmove lalo na kung ikaw yung nakipagbreak.
Dahil ayaw mo sa ginagawa nya. Dahil ayaw mo sa mali nya.
Everybody has there own shitty flaws, but he has that fuck up flaws, too fuck up that he's ruined and i have to break it up to him or otherwise we rot together.
I choose whats right. Masisira nya kami. Ako. I already did take a taste and it is really too addicting thar you 'll be ruined for life .
Hindi ako nagsisi na wala kami. Nanghihinayang oo. Pero hindi ko sya mabbago , I tried but then i failed i almost let myself be like him.
We keep staring at each other. And then he left. And just the curious that i am i followed him.
Neverminding my friends of wherever they are kampante naman ako dahil sanay na kami na after this party we find each other.
Mahahanap naman nila ako or hahanapin ko nalang sila mamaya.
So i follow him upstairs to the room and there he was looking right at me like he'd expected me to follow.
Gusto kong maiyak ng makita sya ng malapitan but then hindi na pala kami so i just stared at him. Afraid he was just my imagination.
I love him still.
''You re not envited so why are you here? " still looking at me and ask again. "You want this?" showing me the reason of this.
Drugs.
His own life.
Ang rason kung bakit kami nawala kung bakit ginawa ko ang tama. He is a dealer and a user. And i use to be a user to. Until the day i stop because its too much. Everything is too much that leads me to my self destruct of whats left of myself.
I leave him.
Akala nya siguro mababago ang isip ko kapag pinakita nya sakin yun.
Hindi.
Hindi na ako babalik sa kanya. I may have let myself destruct once but thats it.
Hindi yun ang sulusyon sa lahat ng problema you may forget everything under the sun but you will still find yourself with the same problem all over again and nothing will change untill you do.
"No. I will leave."
Aalis na ako. Wala naman talaga akong sasabihin tanga ko lang na sumunod ako sa kanya dito. I really cant trust my drunk self.
Pero bago pa ako makaalis pinigilan nya ako by grabbing my hand he then pulls me to his chest and kiss the top of my head
"I miss you."
I miss you too
"Can we get back together."
He sounds hopeful. But my decision is final.
"No. I'm sorry if you got the wrong impression of me following you here but wala akong balak bumalik sayo unless you stop this" pointing to that sinful thing in his hands.
I'm trying him to stop his madness one last time and just be happy with me.
"You accept me once Celine. Why cant you do it again? Huh? This is me. You cant change me. Nakilala mo akong ganito so tanggapin mo akong ganito."
Hawak na nya ang balikat ko habang nakatingin sakin. And i just dont know what to say anymore.
He's hopeless.
We're hopeless.
I cant save him or us. Our story really stops here.
It ends here.
"No. I'm sorry but i think i have to leave hinahanap na ako ng mga kaibigan ko." Paalam ko. Hindi ko na alam gagawin ko sa kanya.
"No your not leaving this time. Wag ka magalala sa mga kaibigan mo they are well taken care of."
Para dinamba ang dibdib ko sa sinabi nya. Somethings wrong. My mind's shouting that somethings not right.
my friends i need to find to my friends.
"We need to leave right now. Asan ba sila?"
Somethings wrong with him. Ganito ang nararamdam ko sa kanya kapag nakatake sya at may binabalak na masama.
Pero nakalock ang pinto and the last thing i see is his blurry face smiling down at me.
And came to that conclusion that I should have not followed him to this room.
And that night i didnt know that i'd be experiencing the most terrifying night of my life.
"Life runs with choices. Until choices runs your life."
