Wala siya.
Ang una kong napansin nang bumaba ako para kumain. Hanggang sa matapos kami kumaing lahat.
Wala pa rin sya.
Iinom ulit ang mga boys kaya pagkatapos namin magayos ng mga pagkain at inumin ay nagpaalam na ako kina Jane at Liza na matutulog na ako. They just look at me and agreed instantly. Alam kong namamaga ang mata, they may not be vocal enough to ask me I know they're curious but did'nt ask question and I appreciated it more.
Even Ice just look at me and smiled. Just smiled. Like they understand. While the other were oblivious ang magkapatid namanng Marco at Daniel ang nakangiti.
Ng nakakaloko. Why were they smirking?
Pare pareho silang magpipinsan. They really like to see me this down, this affected.
Umirap ako dumiretso na sa taas. Mas gugustuhin ko na matulog ngayon. I don't think I have the energy to have fun tonight. To be sociable tonight.
I realized I have changed this much. Dati kapag may problema ako. Lalabas. Go clubbing, nightouts with friends, roadtrips or anything just to occupy my mind myself, so that I wont think any of my problems, drink untill I can't walk home and stay with friends never bother going home. I always want to be sorrounded with friends.
Always.
Ayokong magisa. Ayokong maiwan. Ayokong malungkot. I refused to be sad because it makes me even more sad.
My definition of sadness is being alone.
Kaya lagi akong may kasama, lagi kong kasama ang mga kaibigan ko, theyre just exactly what I needed everytime I'm sad.
Untill that night when everything changed. We changed.
I was changed.
That night.
Humiga ako ng makarating ako sa kwarto. Kinuha ko ang phone na nasa bedside table hoping someone, somebody texted. Opening it even feels foreign for me.
Nasanay na akong walang nagtetext or tumatawag that is why I never bother to check it or even carry it around. I just feel like I'll not be needing it. There's no reason to. And as just I expected, no messages, no missed calls. I deactivated my social media accounts so there is no notifications whatsoever.
Nothing.
I sigh remembering my friends. Does they think of me too? Are they happy now? Doing fine? I miss them. I never thought that being my friend could bring them danger. Kaibaigan ko sila kaya sila nadamay. They were just true friends that they never leave me that night.
No matter what happens.
No matter how painful it is to be just my friend.
They just never leave.
I look around my room. Looking for nothing. Again. I'm alone and this is what I hate the most, when I'm alone and not drunk enough to be sleepy. I just cant help but remember what happens that night. That horrible night.
Nagising na ako noon ng nasa dating kwartong napuntahan ko ng sundan ko si Lance. Looking around searching for him but failed. Magisa lang ako.
My friends. I need to find my friends.
I still feel dizzy but manage to get up and run as fast as I can to the door. Its locked. Whats happening? I look around searching for something to open this damn door. Search through cabinets but nothing. I look out the window but its to high. Pwede akong tumalon pero makakalabas ako dito sa bahay pero hindi dito sa lugar amd I still need to find my friends. Natataranta na ako. Hindi ko alam kong anong nangyayari.
