Rain and Outer Space ✔️

37

Biggest fear. Two words, different meanings for each and every individual on this planet. It doesn't have to have a concrete form that you can touch.

Losing someone he loved the most, for example, was Jaemin's biggest fear. He lost his real father when he was ten. Jaemin hoped the road wasn't slippery because of the snow, and his father didn't have to lose control of the steering wheel. Jaemin hoped that damn truck didn't pass on the same road and hit his father's car.

He lost his mother when she married Hansol's father and became very dedicated to their works. Jaemin wished she chose to stay at home and cook dinner for him and Hansol, rather than going on a business trip and worked until midnight.

He lost Hansol, the day his brother brought home his boyfriend. Jaemin wished their parents weren't being douches. Jaemin hoped Hansol would return someday, and they would be sleeping in the same room like they used to. Not living in two different places, in two different parts of the town.

All of them were happy, at least. His father was safe and sound, away from this cruel world. His mother was enjoying her work with his step-father. And Hansol had never been so happy, now that he's free and had Yuta as his boyfriend.

It was all in the past, the moments where Jaemin lost them. He couldn't change it, but it's okay. As long as they're happy, then Jaemin was happy too.

So, Jaemin braced himself as he knocked on Renjun's door. The rain was pouring heavily outside, even heavier than the last time.

Jaemin didn't want to lose Renjun even though the boy was disappointed in him. Jaemin wished he didn't do what he did. Jaemin hoped that it wouldn't be too late.

"Junnie," Jaemin put his forehead against the cold metal door, "Junnie, I know you heard me."

There's a faint voice coming from the other side of the door. "Go away, Na Jaemin." Jaemin could feel Renjun was leaning against the door too. He sounded like he hadn't talked in such a long time.

"I'm not going away until you open the door for me," Jaemin felt his own voice quivered, "Junnie. Please."

"Go away, Na Jaemin!" Jaemin flinched as the boy yelled. "If Doyoung-hyung sent you here then forget it."

"I didn't come here because Doyoung told me to, alright? It was all because I want to, and I need to."

"Yeah right," Renjun snorted, "Good bye, Na Jaemin."

Jaemin sighed and sat down on the floor, looking at the door in front of him.

"Please don't say that, like I'll never see you again," Jaemin said, loud enough for the whole floor to hear him, "You are afraid of opening up to others, afraid that they would let you down. I am a jerk, a complete asshole, a real scum for doing that. I know that you were disappointed because I let you down. I let you down, didn't I, Junnie? I know, I realized, and I regret it. You are the best blessing I could ever received from this universe. I am sorry, I am very sorry for what I have done. I apologize, I truly do because I don't want to lose you.

"You know, my biggest fear is losing someone I really love. I lost my father on a car accident. I lost my mother when she got caught up in her new business. I lost Hansol, my brother, when my parents kicked him out. I don't want to lose you over some stupid things I did out of jealousy. You hear that, Junnie? I love you, more than a friend do.

"Do you remember when you asked me whether I've fallen in love yet? I have. I am. I fell in love the moment I laid my eyes on you. The first time I saw you was when you stayed after school in the lobby, because it was raining and you didn't seem to bring an umbrella. You didn't step back when the raindrops splashed on you. You seemed like you're very comfortable with the rain, even. I wondered, what is this kid doing? Why is he so infatuated with the rain? Then every day, I would stay back in my class after school to watch you from afar. Was I being creepy? Sorry.

"When I got to know you, I fell even deeper. You are the most beautiful person I've ever encountered, inside out. It brought butterflies inside my chest whenever you smiled and laughed. It also pained me when you cry. I promised you that you will have a happy, content life, didn't I? I want to keep my promise. Huang Renjun, I really love you, and even if you don't love me back, it's okay. Please, though, forgive me for what I have done and let me keep my promise. Because, you deserve the whole world."

There was no response from inside of Renjun's flat. Jaemin held back his tears, because it seemed like he just lost another person he truly loved again.

Written : April 11th 2018
Published : June 27th 2018
Renjun is going to end up with Jaemin soon. DONT WORRY OMG