Your Light (Tu Luz) [Joel Pimentel]

Chapter 30

Dhianna Gabriel

"Dhianna, get up, you lazyass." I heard someone's voice, too loud in the morning and when I flutter my eyes open, I saw Mariana beaming and I groaned.

"Gosh, young lady, it's Saturday for god's sakes." I complained.

She rolled her eyes, "..You need to get up and eat. I know you haven't been eating, Dhianna. So get up!"

I got up from my sleeping position and looked around me. My room had been a mess of papers, canvases and paints scattered on the floor and Mariana nagged at me at the importance of cleaning my room in getting clear minds.
I snorted a bit too loud at that.

"Dhianna, let me tell you something. You're not okay right now, not like what you're trying to tell me. Now get the fuck in the shower and take a really long bath, please." She demanded.

"Look, Mariana." I started, "..can you all leave me the fuck alone?"

She looked at me wide eyed, "Dhianna, you have been very very mean this past few months."

"Stop this, whatever you're doing, I'm fine, Mariana. I'm not actually 'not okay' like you guys are saying." I said.

"I don't care, Dhianna. Either you get up or I'll call Joel here and make him make you eat."

I froze at her words, Joel?

"..Joel's back in Cali?" I asked as I looked up at her.

She gave a me a long look, "Yes, he arrived last night."

Something breaks inside my heart knowing Joel is back again, and he's breathing the same air of California again.

Near me again.

But you pushed him away, moron.

I quickly snapped into reality and get up from my bed to the bathroom.

I had a sudden urge to do everything I used to do, and show Mariana I'm not moping around and she doesn't have to call Joel over to somehow bring me back.

I showered and when I finished, I walked downstairs, and saw Mariana in the kitchen, making pancakes.

Gosh, I really don't feel like eating right now. Even if it's my favourite food.

I closed my eyes and willed myself to send messages to the brain that I've eaten and I'm not hungry.

"Dhianna, come eat." She said as she placed a plate of pancakes in front of me. I frowned at the food and Mariana gave me a look.

"Dhianna.."

"Okay, okay." I started, "..I'm eating. Look. I'm fine. You don't need to worry."

She smiled in satisfaction, "You need to start doing this or I'll call Joel. Remember, he's on my speed dial."

I rolled my eyes at that and suddenly, the front door opened, revealing a well dressed Chris and Zabdiel entering the house.

They smiled when they saw me eating.

"How's my baby girl today?" Chris asked.
Mariana smirked, "She's behaving quite well."

Somehow, I felt like I was fooled. It was like they're manipulating my mind by using Joel's name to make me do things.

A sudden overpowering fury surged through me.

I looked at them, who are laughing, with pretty much daggers in my eyes.

"Dhianna, what's wrong?" Zabdiel asked.

"Joel's not here right? You're just doing this for fun, right?" I asked, through gritted teeth.

Their face falls, "Dhianna.."

"Is it true that he's here?" I asked again, warning clear in my voice.

"No..but.."

I quickly slammed my hand on the table and run towards my bedroom and slammed the door shut.

They lied to me.

Joel is not here and they lied.

A tears fall and then up to the next up until I was crying so much, my pillows are soaked.

How am I so stupid to hurt Joel, when I know he's one of my saving graces. He was there all along with my best friends, soothing my storm of a heart when I was raped and he was also there when I was on the verge of death.

He was here. He was always here.

He's always here that somehow I couldn't believed that he left.

And he left because of me. Because I was too much of a coward by letting him go.

By hurting him.

I remembered the last few days before he left, he was crying on my doorstep, begging for me to stop doing this to him.

He was crying.

The once-rude asshole was crying.

Joel Pimentel was crying and it's all because of me.

His tears was real. It was as if it hurts every ounce of his being to let me go.

To let whatever we had go.

I cried at the thought and ignored the calling of my names outside my bedroom.

I had hurt Joel.

I had hurt him.

I had hurt the guy I loved the most. The guy I'm learning to love and had elevate to the stage where I couldn't live without him.

But I let him go and he cried.

Right now, I know, maybe Mariana, Yoandri, Chris and Zabdiel was right.

Doesn't mean I don't mop around and cry that I am okay. I know I'm not.

I'm dying for the fact that I had lost Joel and I couldn't cry more because that's all I do before I sleep or when I'm alone inside the house.

I got the chance to be loved by a guy I never knew still existed in this world and I screwed up big time.

I screwed up my whole world.

...and without realizing, I screwed Joel's whole world too.