love letter ; jihan

Ninth Letter

[22nd letter]
Dear Jeonghan,

My dearest angel. The time is almost there.

I hope you see your worth. You're the most precious angel.

Thank you for the great times. Like, you, smiling at me. Even though I'm a complete stranger.

I don't have the chance to tell you how much I love you.

How much important you are to me.

How much I want to take care of you.

Please don't forget to eat well and take good care of yourself, dear.

You're always the best.

No matter how much I wanna hold you, and make you mine, I can't.

I want to whisper sweet words to you whenever you feel down, but I can't.

I wanna promise you I'm always here, by your side, but I can't.

I always can't, my dear angel.

I love you. And only you.

love,
Hong Jisoo ♡

-
He opened his eyes slowly only to see his mother, cousin and his friends looking at him.

He sat down, slowly and carefully.

"What happened?" He asked.

"You lost consciousness again." Soonyoung whispered but made sure Jisoo heard it.

"Auntie, I think it's the right time to tell him the whole truth." Jihoon said.

"What truth?" Jisoo asked.

Mrs. Hong just nodded, "Can you, guys give us some privacy, for now?"

"Yes, auntie. Jisoo, we're going now." Mingyu and Hansol bid.

Jisoo just nodded and smiled at them.

"What is it mom? Is there a problem?" Jisoo asked nervously and sweetly

"Do you remember the accident? The time when... when your father lost his life?" His mother started.

"Yes." He said slowly.

"Well... I never told you about the accident because... because you lost your memories. And never got them back. And I want to tell you everything." His mother inhaled.

She explained everything to his one and only saddened son. But she forgot to tell him about one person. The most important person that she should explain. But forgot.

"Wow. Mom. Why didn't you tell me earlier? Did Hansol and the others know?" He asked disappointedly.

"Y-yes." His mother answered, neevously. She knows that her son will be disappointed after hearing this.

Yes, he's happy for knowing the truth. But disappointed because they all lied to him. They all lied to him about his father.

"Mom, just leave me alone for now." Jisoo said, tearing up, not looking at his mother.

"But Jisoo it's for—" his mother tried to explain but Jisoo just screamed.

It was the first time his mother heard his son screamed. And it was the first time Jisoo got furious. He can't breathe again but ignored it.

His mother left the room with her head down.

When they heard Jisoo screamed and saw Jisoo's mother left the room they rushed inside and saw their friend crying, his eyes closed and hands clenched.

But before Jihoon entered he asked something to Jisoo's mother and entered right after.

He opened his eyes and faced them.

"Why did you all lie to me?" He tried to asked them gently, for now.

"Jisoo... we're sorry. We just want to protect you." Mingyu started.

"PROTECT ME?! OH FOR PETE'S SAKE! IF YOU WANT TO PROTECT ME YOU SHOULD'VE TOLD ME THE TRUTH EARLIER! YOU'RE LYING TO ME ALL THE TIME?! I THOUGHT YOU WERE MY FRIENDS?! BUT WHY?" He screamed at his friends.

They're eyes all widened. It was a first for them to hear their sweetest and kindest Jisoo enraged, in front of them.

"Please understand us as well, Jisoo. You know we'd do anything just to protect you and comfort you. Understand our side as well that we kept everything just to stop you from overthinking. You think we're blind? You overthink every little and single thing, Jisoo. Understand us. Please. You know how much we love you. So much, Jisoo. So much. Your father... your father told us that we should protect you. Not because he said so, but because we're your friends and because we want to." Jihoon spoke up.

Jisoo cried some more.

"H-hyung..." Chan called out.

"Chan. Do you know about this too?" Jisoo asked him. Hoping he's not included about this problem.

"N-no..." Chan answered, honestly. And it made Jisoo's heart calm down a bit.

"I-i'm sorry I screamed at you. I'm just carried away from this problem." He apologized at his small cousin.

When Mingyu was about to open his mouth, Jihoon pulled him outside and told him something very important.

Mingyu and the others apologized and bid goodbye to their friend. Jisoo wanted to be alone for a bit.

Jisoo plugged in his earbuds and listened to Troye Sivan's Strawberries & Cigarettes. The song ain't even sad, but, still it made his eyes wet.

As his tears fall down, he thought of Jeonghan. He thought about, he can't hold him in his arms, kiss him whenever he wants to.

Because it's impossible. He wanted to scream and wet his eyes out. But he also can't. Every move he make, is very limited.

But he knows one thing...

He knows how much he loves Jeonghan. Too much that it makes his heart ache. He just want to die as early as possible.