The Real Him

12

October

Of course I noticed, Aubrey wasn't here today. 

No matter how much I tried I couldn't stop myself from looking for him. One reason was because he was noticeable and people always stared at him, but the other was because he clouded my thoughts. Other than Aubrey not being there, Xaver tried to convince me to get back with him. That shit wasn't gonna happen. Hayley and Mel were still ignoring me, and to make things worst Jesse was spreading rumors. The rumor was I gave Aubrey an STD and he wasn't in school cause he was being treated or some shit. Bullshit.

I sighed and climbed into my car. As I sat down I rested my head on the wheel and screamed. I can't believe my life has changed so much from just a few months. I lived my version of a perfect life and now it was all falling apart again.

I got myself together and started my car. As I drove home I rode in silence, leaving me to my thoughts. I wasn't sure what to do about anything. I knew I wasn't getting back with Xaver, ever. I wanted to talk to Aubrey but I didn't at the same time. He was such an asshole but I could see what he was talking about when I never opened up to him. I mean he was always open to me, but I never told him a thing. And as for my best friends, well I knew I needed something to win them back. I was still planning on what to do, but I knew it had to be something big. 

I parked my car in my driveway and walked into my house. Once I got inside I sighed, I hate this fucking silence. I wished I had someone here to at least distract me from this shit. I didn't know why Aubrey had to come and ruin everything, my life was just fine before. I walked up to my room and got a huge surprise.

"Aubrey?" I whispered. He was laying on my bed asleep. I was wondering how he got in my house, I knew I locked that window. I approached him slowly and shook him. He moaned and turned over. "Aubrey." He rolled over and  looked at me. "What are you doing here?" He sat up a little and rubbed his eyes.

"I- uh." I could tell he was still half asleep. "I wanted to talk to you." 

"Aubrey how did you get in here?" 

"I can pick locks, I just opened the backdoor." I sat down on the bed next to him. "I miss you, you know."

 "Aubrey please." I rubbed my hands up and down my face. "It's difficult, why can't you realize that?"

"Cause you won't tell me." He sat with his back to the head board like me. "Do you like me?" I shrugged. "It's a yes or no. If it's a no, I'll leave you alone." 

"I don't know Aubrey." I stood up. 

"Damn it October, it's not that hard." I ignored him and walked out of my room. "Stop fucking running from it." I started down the stairs. "October, you claim to be hurt but don't you realize you're hurting me too?" I tried to block him out. "What are you so afraid of?" He yelled. I stopped in my tracks. I heard the hurt and anger in the scream. I felt tears leaving my eyes when I turned around. He was standing at the top of the stairs staring at me.

"Being hurt." I whispered. 

"What?" 

"I'm scared of being hurt." I turned around and started towards the living room. I heard him come down the stairs and follow me. I stopped right before I reached the living room and waited for him to come behind me. Once I felt his presence I spoke. "Do you know what happened here?" I looked to see him staring at the space. "To you it looks like my living room, but for me it's a room full of hurt. I was sitting there, my mom there and my dad there. She was crying, I didn't understand." 

I walked into the room more and Aubrey followed. "I found out they were getting a divorce that day." I examined the room, it looked exactly the same. "You wanna know why?" I asked. He didn't answer. "Do you wanna know why they got a divorce." I raised my voice a little.

"Yes." He mumbled.

"Because my dad was no good." I turned to Aubrey for the first time since he walked downstairs. "He lied to me and her. Do you know how it feels, to meet someone you've known you're whole life all over again? It doesn't feel good. He cheated on her and she kicked him out." 

"That's wh-" 

"I'm not done yet." I cut him off. I turned back around and walked to the front of the house, where the windows were. "That same day I went out with Xaver. He took me to one of my favorite places, the beach. As we got there Hayley called me, she told me he was cheating on me with Mya." I stared out of the window. "He lied to me." I turned towards Aubrey again, he had a blank expression on his face.

"The point is, I don't trust people." I said. "Most girls would just say they don't trust men, but I don't trust anyone. It would've been different if it was just Xaver but your own dad." I felt tears roll down my checks again. "Aubrey I do like you, but I don't want to."

"October..." He looked at me, at a loss for words. I was too, I just told him something I've told two people in my whole life. It was quiet for a few minutes until he spoke. "When was it?"

"6 months." I mumbled. 

"Where'd he go?" It took me a moment to figure out who he was talking about. 

"You know it's not only the fact he cheated, it's also the fact he never called." I wiped my tears that kept falling. I hated crying in front of people. "I don't know. He could be in town, he could be out of state, hell he could even be in another country. I don't know where he went." I paused for a moment. " He left me and never called or texted."

"Why haven't you ever told me this?" He grabbed one of my hands. 

"I've told two people Aubrey. I don't like talking about it." I said. The room filled with silence for a few moments. "I would try this out with you, but I'm scared. I'm scared of being hurt again, it's what all relationships lead to."

"Not all of them." He pulled me a little closer. "It doesn't have to be like that."

"That's what everyone says, but it always does." I sighed. 

"October, just give me a chance." I wrapped his arms around me. "One chance is all I need." I looked him in the eyes. 

"I'll try it, but it's gotta move slow." He nodded.

"Whatever it takes to prove to you I'm different." He leaned down and kissed me. 

I knew Aubrey had every intention of not ruining his chance, but everyone makes mistakes. Aubrey's first mistake was promising something when he knew he couldn't keep.

**

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~Keyanna