Double Life

Yes, Nevermind.

NOT EDITED ginaWolf_kiwi NOT EDITED FAM

"But I think first I fell in lust with you."

I mutter, using an English word instead of Korean.  The cold air of early morning makes my skin bristle. 

"Lust?  That's an English word right?  What do you mean Wolfé?"

I hum, noncommittal, noticing how his eyes slowly take in every detail of my body, from the uncovered tattoos and scars to the loose T-shirt hanging off my frame.  Lust is a word I use more than love, it's like love with a quick expiration date.  Doesn't mean we aren't something, just means lovers doesn't work for me. 

"How the hell are you this close to death but still stunning?  How the fuck do you still make me crazy when you're like this and when you're rapping on stage.  How."

"Crazy?"

I smile, leaning slightly forward.  Ignoring how he seems to be laying his heart out to me.  My voice scrapes every time I talk, but with a small cough I continue.

"You flatter me-"

"Fuck it."

He says, wrapping his hands around my waist and pulling me onto his lap.  I flinch, stomach turning from the sudden movement.  It doesn't seem cold any more as his hands on my waist trace the long scar running up my side, unknowingly drawing patterns on an unseen tattoo.

"You have been stunning ever since you walked in and punched me in the fucking face, dance practice, fan signing, anything you do.  I'm stuck.  How do you make so many fucking mistakes and still walk like that?  How can you be wearing sneakers with no soles and drive that motorcycle like you have billions? How can you have so much pride and still be sweet?  How can you half convince me I just might not be straight because you own being a guy so well?"

"Fucking shut up-"

"Make me."

And we watch each other, both stuck in a moment before the tide breaks.   I'm going to die soon anyways, what's the harm in being taken care of even for five minutes five minutes of not having everything solely under my control.  What's the harm in how warm and reassuring this feels.

"Jagi..."

I say, testing the foreign term of endearment out.  Bitter.  Something tastes bitter about it.  I go from leaning in to a small laugh, relocking that bird into my heart that almost escaped for the wrong reason.  I've gotten desperate to be loved.  Must come with my new found expiration date.

"Sorry Kai, I'm not someone's girlfriend.  I'm signed to my own contract and your name isn't on it."

And I stand, I fucking stand like a normal healthy person because for some freak reason I feel better.  He goes to hold my hands, love struck, romantic, and not meant for my story.

"I ain't the one Babe, but nice try."

OKAY DON'T KILL ME

Tvzylz for voting ⭐️😂 (idk who's still reading this shit omg)

ginaWolf_kiwi for getting me to be responsible and get off youtube and edit this (without even knowing)

Please vote and thank you for your time!
~R.