Double Life

It's About The Money

"But it's not your decision."

Xuimin's bag almost gets hit by my shoe as I fling it off my foot, slumped on the couch as I make a very expensive international call to Gina.

"Like hell it isn't but I'm taking it as mine, a last attempt at fame right?  Family?  Some sort of shit like that?"

"You can only push one band to the international stage, who are you going to pick?"

"...both?"

I hope, but there's never two stars, only one.  Even in the band there's one favorite, one who shines brighter than everyone else does.  My other shoe falls off and thuds on the carpet, the only sound in an utterly quiet space.  Everyone, everyone left. 

"Are you still dying?"

Gina says through the crackling phone line, bringing up the greatest taboo.  Am I?  All my pain is gone, the blood I cough up is pale pink, my scars have gotten lighter. 

"I don't know, the pain is gone.  I didn't think I'd get blessed with a second wind."

"You need to get back to America for testing, I need your DNA I'm still working on a cure. We aren't the last generation you know that."

Sure, the rest that were made after us.  Gina is from the second generation, me and Seek from the first; it seems like we only started counting once the mutations started working correctly.  The thirteenth generation is falling apart, people sprouting fur and dying after a year, why even bother with a cure.

"Send it in the mail, give me something.  You don't care but someone still does."

"Good bye Gina."

I pull a coffee out of the microwave and sit at the table, scrolling through the comments, wondering how hard it's going to be to control this.  Is it even worth it?  Should I put in all this effort to end up working too much and half dead in the end. 

"We're home"

Suho says, broken and tired and silence dropping like a weighted blanket around the group as they filter inside. 

"So, the hell am I."

I mutter, sipping cold coffee that tastes like cigaret ashes and vodka.

"Grey-"

"What's going on, who decided we are going to treat me like the outsider after all this time.  Who decided it was time to break up the band just as we're topping world wide charts.  Who the hell thought we should do that-"

"Grey you look like you're dead."

Baekhyun says, the gym bag hanging on his bony shoulder dropping to the floor with a thud.

"And you also look like you're about to be dead."

"It's just been busy Grey, we're all expecting you to be back on your feet soon."

"That's bullshit!  You're all waiting for me to die!"

"It sure as hell looks like you're about to Noona."

Kai spits at me, kicking my other shoe across the floor. 

"So what I'm hearing, is that you're all treating the dying girl like shit-"

"You aren't dying!"

"No I'm fucking not!"

I shout at Chanyeol, and before my of us can stop it a full out war starts.