"Let's just sleep in the den downstairs"
I look at her like she's crazy, I also just feel like saying no to everything that she's offering because I know after we get settled she's going to start a game of "how many questions can I possibly ask Stevie before she explodes"
"Lori you do know we're not twenty anymore and sleeping on the floor will complete ruin us, right?"
"Who said we would be sleeping on the floor?"
-
"Are you even lifting it? I feel like I'm doing all the work!"
Lori pants as she slowly goes down the stairs while I'm holding one end of the mattress and she's holding the other.
"I damn Ray for being sick. He should be doing this!"
Once we get the mattress to the last step we let out a breath of relief, sliding it over the hardwood floor to the Den in the next room.
"Perfect!" Lori exclaims.
"I hate you"
I push her backwards onto the mattress and I throw a pillow at her.
"You can't hate me I'm carrying your niece" she adds in with an evil smirk.
" too bad you can't drink anymore, that's what made these sleep overs fun"
I giggle with her.
"We May be too old to move a mattress but we're sure young enough to get wasted!" She shouts with laughter.
As we grow quiet I hesitate to ask but it's been on my mind.
"Lori are you scared to have this baby? I mean, of course you're worried because it's your first child, but you're older than the average age"
"Well thanks Steph!"
I hold my hands up in defense
"I'm sorry!"
"To answer your question, yes. Yes, I'm scared. I'm scared I won't hold it to term, I'm scared that I waited too long, I'm scared this chance is gonna be taken away from me as soon as I got it"
I pull her hand to me.
"Lori, I didn't mean to-"
"No, I know. I'm just being honest. Maybe I'm being irrational"
"No, not irrational. I still don't want you to think that way though. It's not your fault you're having a child so late. You and Chris tried for years and then stopped because you thought it'd never happen. Don't be afraid about those things though. You were so scared when you found out that Chris wouldn't want a baby because you thought he had grown happy with it just being you two and you turned out to be wrong. He's over the moon, so don't let your mind go to places like that. This baby is a miracle and you're going to be able to hold them in your arms and smother them with all the love you two could possibly muster"
A solemn tear falls from her eyes.
I rub her shoulder in sympathy
"Don't cry! I don't want to make you sad, let's change the subject"
She straightens her back, perking up slightly.
"Alright. Why were you in a car with your gardener...Lindsey's his name right?"
I hit myself in the forehead with my palm. I guess I can't avoid this forever.
"He was taking me somewhere"
"No shit Steph, what were you doing with him?"
I bite my lip and look down to my hands as silence fills the room.
"I might've been, you know, kinda seeing him..."
She cranes her neck downwards to meet my eyes and I look up.
"Seeing him as in? Like as in-"
"Yes Lori! There's no need to specify"
"Yes there is a need! I'm so stupid, no wonder you've been so different lately"
"I know, I've been such a bitch to Ray lately"
Her eyebrows knit in confusion then her face falls and a soft smirk forms.
" I don't know about that but I do know you walk taller now. You don't mope around anymore and you seem to stand up for yourself a lot more,"
I look away slightly and scratch the back of my neck. My cheeks heat up and a smile grows just thinking about him. Lindsey.
"Really?" I ask skeptically.
"Yes, really! I just hate that you didn't give me all the juice when it started! Ive been waiting for you to drop some sort of dirty secret, you forget that I know you like the back of my hand and I know when you're hiding something."
"I'm sorry... it's just- this isn't something you go around parading. This isn't something I'm proud of"
"Stevie when have I ever not supported you? Through thick and thin, I've always been there for you... okay except for that time in '86 when you went for that crazy hair poof"
I pinch her thigh and we both giggle at the memory. Definitely not a hairstyle that should have lasted as long as it did.
"I hate to ask but, can you do me a favor?"
"Of course"
"Lindsey wants to spend more time together and..."
"You don't have an excuse to give Ray"
"Exactly" I understand why people are so freaked out about how connected we are.
"You and I are going on a three day trip to the opposite side of the island for a women's retreat and so our stories add up, I'll go to a hotel close by, to get my own free time"
I marvel at how good of a liar she really is. That was right off the spot!
My mouth falls open and I crush my best friend, grabbing her shoulders intensely.
"Okay Steph! Chill, bun in the oven!"
"Oh I'm so, so terrible for making you help me cheat, I'm so sorry"
"We all make mistakes, I don't want to condone this but I don't want you to make up some stupid lie to Ray and get caught... we both know how he acts when he's beyond angry"
Yes, his temper will forever be embedded into my head. I act the way I do around Ray because I once fell short to his rage.
