I watch Lindsey outside my window as he works on the yard for what feels like the millionth time. I'm so close to him yet so far. He starts working his way around the backyard and from the angle the window sits and where he stands I can't really see him so my mind directs my feet downstairs where I can watch him through the glass doors. I look so creepy. I keep somewhat hidden though, I wouldn't want him to see me.
"Hey, you're out of bed! What are you doing?"
Ray comes up behind me and squeezes my shoulder
"Oh, just checking to see if he was cutting the bushes the way I like them!"
He sighs.
"Yeah... he seems distracted lately. On Tuesday he was chopping at the same corner of the hedge for a good five minutes. He seemed to not even hear me when I was trying to speak to him. I think I'm gonna have to let him go..."
"No!" I shout and he jumps back startled. Shit.
"Why?"
"Well... I mean, he just barely got this job at the beginning of the summer and we don't want to have to go through finding another gardener do we?"
"Stevie you know I could hire someone way better at the snap of a finger"
Pompous ass. Lindsey is amazing at his job. It's my fault he's distracted.
"Just give him a chance. We never know what he's going through"
"Look at him! He's chopping the roses all wrong"
I scoff at him
"Ray you don't even care about my roses, you hated them. If it makes you feel better I'll go out there and set him straight myself!"
He eyes me down clearly annoyed with my tone and opens the door motioning for me to go.
"I'll be in the den if you need me"
He rolls his eyes and leaves. Here goes nothing.
I step out onto the grass barefoot and let the warm air hit me for a second. I haven't been outside at all this week which is very unusual for me. It's almost like he had spider senses because as soon as I'm near him he stops what he's doing and turns around to look at me. I expected to see anger or resentment in his eyes but what I see- I don't know but it's not those two.
"Lindsey- I- you,"
Suddenly I forget why I'm out here and all I want to do is run back upstairs to the comfort of my bed.
"I'm sorry. I'm so sorry Linds,"
Tears come running hot down my face and I pull his shirt to my face as I cry into his chest. At first I think he doesn't want to even be near me but then he slowly wraps his arms around me. Something I've missed entirely. I feel whole with him.
"I know.." he whispers.
"I love you" I blurt out.
I was thinking it but I knew better than to say it.
"Steph you know, I love you. All I want is to be with you. I wish you were mine."
"Please stop"
The tears come harder, if possible. Quickly all goes to shit when I hear someone clear their throat. We both let go of each other and look over. Why was I not able to just control my emotions?! I'm royally fucked...
