Instead of going to my- well Rays home, now I guess. We went to Lori and Chris'. There's still plenty of things I want to get before Ray probably sells them all or throws them out, but now is not the time. As soon as I step through the door Lori crushes me with a hug. She grabs hold of my face, hands on both sides of my cheeks
"I am so so so happy for you Steph"
She pulls me back into a hug and we both tear up. She celebrates my decision like I just bought a new house or like I adopted a needy child off of the streets. This was my marriage and I still don't know how to feel about this all. It's so overwhelming, but I love Lindsey, and I keep telling myself I deserve better than what I was getting with Ray.
Chris isn't exactly ignoring me but I can tell he's very upset... disappointed? I don't know what he's truly feeling but I know he's not happy with me. He was friends with Ray and I'm upset he's lost a friend.
Lori's mouth almost hangs to the floor as I tell her how I practically just walked away from my marriage.
"You just left like that? Boom, done? So for the minute you were on the phone with Lindsey you decided you were gonna leave?"
As we sit on the balcony, I pause to look out at the sea that always seemed to comfort me but isn't at the moment. I watch the rainbow that's spread out across the sea and listen to the birds take flight, now that the storm has passed.
" kind of. In the time that it took for him to get to the plane, I just knew I had to take a leap of faith. I couldn't leave Italy knowing part of me would always be stuck here. I wanted to be with Lindsey and the only thing that was stopping me was myself... and of course the fear of Ray and change"
She puts her hand over mine and smiles sadly at me a tear gleaming in her eye.
"I need to go,"
Her face contorts
"Where? What do you mean?"
"Arizona"
She rips her hand away from me
"Not back to him?!" Her voice raises and I shush her before she alarms the guys in the next room.
"No Lori! To my mother. My dad. I need to see them, it's been so long. Too long. She's the only woman who can keep me sane right now."
"And whats Lindsey gonna think?"
"I have no idea. This is necessary though. I can't sleep my life away anymore"
-
As I lay in the guest room cuddled up with Lindsey as the sun sets outside the window. I think about my unborn child. The one still growing in me. The one only Lori knows about. To anyone looking from the outside- in they probably would think I'm having a mid life crisis. I wish I could blame it on that but it's much more.
"Linds?"
"Hmm?" He rubs my hand with his thumb absentmindedly
"I need to see my mom. I need to go to Arizona"
He loosens his grip on me and I'm afraid I might've upset him.
"You're coming back right?" He asks with urgency.
"Of course." I turn around in his embrace so we're eye to eye. He kisses my forehead.
"I'm sure she's missed you"
I pull his lips to mine and kiss him hard.
"Don't be gone too long. I can't bare it"
"I won't. Not again."
I lay my head upon his chest as tears are seeping from my eyes.
"I love you" I say with a muffled voice
"I love you so much" he replies.
-
The next morning I make my way down to the living room way earlier than I'd like. Lori is flipping pancakes while Chris and Lindsey sit a fine distance apart sipping coffee at the table.
"Good morning"
"Good morning" Lindsey and Lori say in unison. Chris smiles politely.
"Chris, I'm going to see mom and dad"
He almost spits out his coffee at that.
"You haven't talked to them in years... what's the change?"
"I don't have Ray here to boss me around and tell me I can't speak to them"
His brow furrows
"What?"
"I stopped talking to them because Ray told me they made him uncomfortable and he would leave me if I kept choosing them over him" venom oozes from my words
"I had no idea"
"Yeah you had no idea about a lot of things! Now will you stop giving me the cold shoulder!" His face is getting red and I could care less what Lindsey and Lori are seeing. I need my brothers support right now.
"I'm not trying to do that Steph"
"Then what are you trying to do? I get it- you're mad because you lost Ray as a friend, but I thought you'd be on my side"
He looks at me like I'm psychotic
"I am on your side! I'm not mad that you left that dumb ass, I'm mad that you were so unhappy in your marriage and I just looked away. I'm your brother, I should protect you from assholes like him"
I feel terrible that I misread him like that. I also feel terrible that he feels the burden of my failed marriage.
"Chris this isn't your fault. None of it is. I got myself in this mess."
Lori quietly serves the plates of breakfast to us and Lindsey looks everywhere but at the scene we're causing. Poor him. He's barely met my brother and he's getting a full show of sibling rivalry.
"I want you to come to Arizona with me"
I ask intently.
"I know you keep in contact with them and I'd feel much better knowing you'd be a common ground between us- please Chris"
He's quiet for a moment then looks at Lori.
"Will you be okay?" He asks her and rubs her tummy even though she's barely showing.
She smirks and nods her head slowly
"Go. Be there for her." They share a kiss and we all share smiles. It's set in action.
Haven't updated this for a while, sorry! Hope this chapter isn't too boring💛
