Breathe ≫Rants/Life/Advice/Etc.

the story behind skinny love

The time that I am currently writing this is 3 am, and my mind has gone to many different places in the last two and a half hours. But I cannot get this one, certain thought out of my head, and so, I though I would share this with you.

So, a little while ago, people were asking me why I hadn't written an ImmortalHD fanfiction yet. I loved Aleks to pieces- so, why hadn't I? Truthfully, I didn't know how to respond to them, because, to a degree, I didn't even know why.

I had so many thoughts and ideas and plotlines that weren't adding up to the exceptional standards that I wanted. Aleks is an exceptional person, and, quite frankly, I didn't know how to write something good enough for the likings of such a human being.

Hailey is me. She is everything that I would ever want to be. She is skinny and beautiful, with a kind heart and a confused mind.

Hailey is also the name of my little sister. She is deaf. She too, is also very skinny and beautiful, and has the kindest heart anyone could ever ask for. The name means a lot to me, as does Aleks, and so, you can probably put together the pieces of the puzzle.

The plotline? God, there is just so much to say...

Well, I suppose it all started when I had a Birdy song on repeat. Skinny Love, obviously. I kept trying to listen in better each time. I was slowly understanding the meaning of the lyrics, and how they sounded in the tone of her voice, and how they felt in the endearment of someone's heart. It was a complete love story in the palm of a musician.

I was, in fact, a stupid, teenage girl (Still am, actually). I was craving love, any kind, some sort of bittersweet happiness that I was considered incredibly desperate for attention. At the time, I had been watching The Creatures more often than Team Crafted, and I automatically fell in love with watching Aleks and Eddie.

Soon, I became so overly obsessed with Aleks that I began gathering pictures and basically stalking him. I felt the need to say that I was in love with this guy.

The Creatures came to Georgia, and I was so excited that I cried the morning of their arrival. I remember talking non-stop to my friends at school about how I was finally having the opportunity to meet my idols, and that I would need help deciding on what to say to Aleks when I met him.

Truth came along and crushed my dreams. I wasn't able to go. From that moment on, I swore that I would never be happy again, that my life was ending.

But, however, that's what any girl would say. I, on the other hand, took things too far.

Not many people know this, but, the first time I self-harmed, it was of Aleks' name.

In the middle of my left arm I had carved his name oh so perfectly, and I reminded myself that this would be a way to always have him with me. I did it because I was tired of crying over him at night, and I was tired of not getting sleep. His name was just another reminder, however, that I would never get to meet him in real life.

And so, my story goes on about how I keep cutting like a fucking retard, and how I suffer from stupid fucking depression, blah, blah, blah, and finally comes the part where you learn why I decided to write Skinny Love the way it is.

I wanted the story to start in the time where Aleks and Hailey were not together. Aleks acted like Hailey didn't even exist. Hailey found herself dying of heartbreak, the fact that she could never find a reason to ever love again.

I wrote it like their love had died off somewhere in the midst of chaos, and that Aleks was always so unhappy with their relationship.

In my mind, Aleks would not be happy if he ever knew I cut his name into my arm.

In Aleks' mind, I did not exist.

I like to describe Aleks in ways that seem all too unreal for anyone to really think about. When I'm writing Skinny Love, I can only do it at earlier times in the morning, when my mind is stupid enough to write decent shit.

I describe Aleks as the perfect being, because I do believe he is perfect. He had the kind of personality to change the way I thought about myself, and how I choose to live my life, and he was my life-saver, because he stopped me from killing myself one night.

And each day. as I find myself writing a little more of the next chapter of this book, I am getting one step closer to meeting Aleks. With the profits I'm saving from book-publishing and allowance, I am only waiting for the chance to get Jaesa and Faith and probably more friends- to travel to PAX East with me.

In my writing, Aleks and Hailey are slowly reaching one another by small letters and secret rendezvous. Each chapter, they end up falling harder for one another, and it's only a matter of time until one of them truly falls in love again.

My life is dependent of this story;

If I fail, they become strangers once more.

If I win, they are bound to fall in love.