Breathe ≫Rants/Life/Advice/Etc.

self-hatred

the feelings are always so audacious.

the thoughts swim around in your mind --

it’s begun to feel like an ocean to you.

your reflection takes you by surprise,

seeing as you were not the person

you sure expected yourself to be.

and you take a step back,

and you just stare --

endlessly --

into the glass.

you dissect the pieces of the reflector,

you recognize each shard of it

as yourself.

one for your flaws,

one for your imperfections.

a shard for your future,

and a shard for the uncertainty of who

you want to become.

and i believe it is so elegant,

how temptation can take you so far --

even when suffering is all you see.

you crave

and cry out for

and lust after

each and every aspect of who

you try to become.

but the waves are inhaling you,

you’re finding it so difficult to breathe.

you don’t understand how anyone

could love such a mess,

how anyone could so graciously

pick up the debris of

your wasted skin,

or your shattered heart,

or even your devastation of a soul,

and mend them back together again.

no,

because drowning in the ocean

sure seems more pleasant

than having to try

to figure myself out.

–d.v