Breathe ≫Rants/Life/Advice/Etc.

mother of the year award goes to...

alright, so, for those who have no idea what happened just recently (like a couple of hours-recently), my mother got arrested for possession of marijuana and meth, and by the reports, it's a very large amount of it.

I'm sorry to be complaining about all of this, because I honestly have no idea what your home lives are like, but I'm really upset about this.

This is mother, and although I love her to death, she's a piece of shit.

She's thirty-five years old and still hasn't figured her life out yet.

I was talking to my grandmother about it, because she and my aunt were the ones to break the news to me, and she was explaining that the mother that's on drugs is not my actual parent. It's just really sad to know that I've only rarely seen my real mother, and even then, she wasn't a parent to my brother and I.

To say the least, I'm incredibly disappointed. I'm ashamed to call her my mother. I'm pissed off at her, and I literally called it that she'd be put back in jail. I'm both sad and mad at her all in the same period of time.

She was never there for Blake (my brother) and I. She lied straight to our faces, she married a lying, cheating husband, and she basically ruined the good person my brother was. She literally let my brother go and live with his dad, let him have full custody, and the sorry bastard doesn't even have a decent job. He lives with his mother — like, is that any way to influence your son?

Thankfully, I'm grateful that my grandmother has custody of me. She's taken care of me since I was barely two years old, and I have never been more thankful to be exposed to both the negative and positives, but most of all, be influenced to do all of the positive ones.

 God, I saw this all coming. I knew she was going to get back on all the drugs. She has severe depression and is incredibly vulnerable to addiction. I knew her being "clean" was way too good to be true.

And it gets even worse:

This entire family has given her an infinite amount of chances to prove herself. We've given her all the money and all the support in the world to help her get her life together. The least she could do is say thank you", you know? Hell, I don't even think 'thank you' is in her vocabulary.

I wrote a really long letter to my mother about three months ago, and I called her, and read it aloud to her. She hardly listened to anything I said. She literally skipped over all of my words, all of my words telling her how much of a parent she is. She heard what she wanted to hear, so I told her that I didn't want to see her anymore.

She gets so pissed off at my grandmother and my aunt (her mother and sister, if you were wondering) for teaching me "the negativity of life", yet all they have ever done is take care of the life she created. At least my father actually tries his hardest to see me and love me, as well as his other three kids. My mother only has two and can't even love them as much as she loves herself.

 But, the only thing that really scares me about this whole situation is the result of all it.

 Her father had a serious problem with addiction and depression, and about two years ago, he killed himself.

We're all afraid that she's going to end up like her dad, and although I really dislike her right now, I would never want to see her die. She's my mother.

But yeah, so I'm really upset about the whole situation. I probably won't be updating for a few days, but I promise I'll update before I leave for vacation on Saturday. I was going to update 133 Days Gone and Constellations, but, you see how that turned out :\

much love xx