Breathe ≫Rants/Life/Advice/Etc.

i'm fine :)

I keep shaking, rocking back and forth, quietly crying into my pillow. And I have no one right now. I’m alone. I’m scared...and alone. Even the thought frightens me.

I’m okay, I’m okay, I’m okay.

And I keep begging myself to keep in all the screams, to seal up every emotion until morning. But I cannot sleep, and the next hint of dawn is hours away.

I’m really trying, begging myself to not do anything I’d regret. And I keep remembering my arm, and that stupid scar, and my thoughts are all over the place, and I’m lost. But as the minutes go by,

the room gets darker,

my voice gets quieter,

and my mind is vicious.

I’m coping, I’m coping, I’m coping.

In all reality, I am just trying to keep myself sane. I can’t calm myself, I can’t find my headphones. Everything’s all over the place, and I can’t help myself anymore.

I’m not okay, I’m not okay, I’m not okay.

And why must everything be so hard? Why does everything have to be so difficult to understand and to cope with, and to take in?

And why am I this way? Why can I not control my feelings, keep in my tears, and tell my mind to shut the fuck up for once in a while? Why can I not bare the thought of selfishness, because I had clearly thought before that I was a waste of air, a waste of space.

I’m not coping, I’m not coping, I’m not coping.

I can’t take it anymore.

I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I’m sorry.

I’m done.

I’m dying, I’m dying, I’m dying.

And hate myself for this…

I can’t breathe, I can’t breathe, I can’t breathe.

but I’ve always loved the feeling of breathlessness.

I’m fine. :)