real talk

110 14 11

by hyuniebees

by hyuniebees

I've been all over the place recently, hence the reason I haven't updated anything in like, weeks, so, incredibly sorry about that.

In other words, though, I've been a lot done with school. I'm a really outstanding, straight-a student, and I'm even in Junior Beta Club now :)

I don't know, I feel that school really takes away from my free time, even with free-writing, and it's started to affect me. Like, okay, so I get up for school at 6 A.M. I go until 3:30 P.M. I get home at 4:10 P.M. After that, I do homework, which roughly takes about an hour - two. Afterward, I'm usually stuck watching Netflix, especially since I've started watching different shows (Once Upon A Time / Red Band Society) and if I don't watch Netflix, than I might be reading or playing Sims.

And if you follow my Twitter (@PuppyDogCas), you'll know that I tweet really often. Like, incredibly often. I have an estimate of 1,500 something tweets now, in which I used to have less than 500. I don't know, I feel like having some kind of interaction with social media is better than none at all. Twitter is just where I retweet and favorite and say stuff that no one really cares about and it gets it off my chest for the time being. For example, when my mother got back on drugs last week, I tweeted about how worried I was about my brother being with her, especially when someone told me that she had pulled a knife out and threatened to stab her own husband.

I've been emotional lately. I've been downing myself. There's this sense of confidence in me, I know, I can feel it, but I can never show it. So I do what I have to do and I get on with life. Yeah, I'd love to hug my friends more, talk to my friends more, not be afraid to do anything of those things and even more. I've just felt so responsible for myself, and I'm not even in high school yet.

In my lungs, it's just this heavy anchor. It's filled with so many emotions and topics that I just need to get off my chest once and for all, but I'm just afraid of what some people will say about them. I always annoy my friends, and I don't necessarily see the reason for drowning them in my own problems, when we all know that they have situations to deal with themselves.

I just hope that this emotional time with pass and I'll be all happy again. Lately, I've been craving to watch Supernatural again, since I got the entire season 8 for Christmas and all, but I haven't gotten the time. I need to watch my television shows, I actually really want to watch some of the movies that Jensen and Misha have been in, and Ten Inch Hero and I want to watch so badly.

I miss being happy, you know? I just wished that I could restart my entire existence and start back at square one, because then, maybe, I wouldn't have to pushed so many people away now.

Like Jaesa . . . I completely pushed you away. Or, you just don't talk to me anymore. Either way, we're not close anymore. I'm sorry for that.

I'm just so clueless, wandering aimlessly through this point in my life with no special goal or waypoint to go to.

Wandering aimlessly, helplessly -- through whatever this is.