Crankgameplays Imagines

Back To You

Ok I dont even like 13 Reasons Why but this song is fucking beautiful fr

~ Your POV ~

You fall against your front door and release a heavy sigh, running a hand through your hair and feeling your body ache with stress as you push yourself away from the door. The apartment is silent, and not a single light has been left on, causing a chill to run down your spine as you hurry to turn on a light. He must have already gone to bed, you think to yourself as you wander into your bathroom. Your eyes land on your toothbrush, standing up in it's holder, and you smile sadly as an image fills your mind of how you always used to come home to your toothbrush on the side of the sink waiting for you when you got home late from work, with toothpaste already put on it for you. Shaking your head, you let those thoughts slip your mind, and strip off, before stepping into the shower.

Took you like a shot,
Thought that I could chase you with a cold evening.

Try as you might, your own thoughts consume you. At least in the shower you're alone to feel these things, the feelings that you shouldnt have anymore. You havent seen him in years, and it's not like the two of you ever dated, why do you still have this constant aching sadness in the back of your head? No matter how much you disagree with your own feelings, you know that moving out of the apartment you shared with him will always be the biggest mistake of your life. After feeling this way for over two years, you've just figured that your feelings for him will always be part of you, regardless of who else is in your life.

Let a couple years water down how I'm feeling about you.

A pit forms in your stomach as you think about the man who is sleeping in your bed right now. He's nothing like Ethan, maybe that's why you let him stay. If he had any similarities to Ethan, you could never forgive yourself for forming an attachment to someone that isnt really him. Then again, even then, you doubt any attachment you feel to another person will ever feel genuine. That's something you've had to get used to as well: your connections with others are all so small and frail, because the biggest connection you ever felt has been abandoned. When you think back to the effortless conversation that flowed between you and Ethan, you cant help but smile. Everything was always so easy with him.

And every time we talk,
Every single word builds up to this moment.

Drying yourself off as best as you can, you quietly enter your bedroom, and when you see the man in your bed, you dont feel anything. Is it cruel to keep him around, even when his feelings for you are as false as yours are for him? You know his mind is always elsewhere, the same as yours is, the only difference is, he is actively elsewhere, sharing relationships with other people. He thinks that you dont know, when in reality you just dont care. At least you know he doesnt have any sort of care for you, otherwise you'd feel bad for your lack of feelings towards him. You arent capable of love, and you dont want it.

And I gotta convince myself I don't want it,
Even though I do.

You stare up at your bedroom ceiling, the room pitch black, and the only sounds are the cars outside, accompanied by the soft snoring of the one lying next to you. If he was awake, you'd be able to converse with him and distract yourself from your mental torment, or at least distract yourself enough for it to not be so painful. The pain was something that started before you moved out of Ethan's house. Anytime he spoke highly of another girl, you'd convince yourself that he never thought so highly of you. Anytime he referred to as a "friend", you'd lose all hope that he ever had feelings for you. It was a pain you learnt to live with, because you were so hopelessly in love with your best friend.